Relationship Coach Reveals 3 Realistic Ways To Actually Keep The Spark Alive With Your Partner
It's all in the small things.
Vera Arsic / Canva Pro Tina Cipriani is a certified relationship coach who knows first-hand how challenging it can be to maintain a deep level of romance in a long-term relationship.
“I’ve been with my partner for almost 10 years now,” she shared. “I used to find myself Googling, ‘How to keep the spark alive in my relationship,’” She said that the ideas she found were “really helpful,” and broke down the top results for her followers.
Cipriani revealed 3 realistic ways to actually keep the spark alive
1. Spend time alone
“This one is gonna be weird and it’s gonna be a surprise to you,” she said. “Start spending more time alone.”
Cipriani advised people in long-term partnerships to cultivate their interests outside of the relationship and develop who they are as individuals.
She recommended finding a hobby or activity that gets you out of your house, something you truly enjoy doing. She emphasized the value of choosing something that’s “separate from your partner and your relationship.”
Whatever activity you decide on, make sure it’s something that makes you feel good, which will boost your confidence when you’re with your partner. Seek out opportunities that challenge you and get you in touch with your mind or your body, creating a spark within you.
“When your partner sees that you’re out, doing something just for you as an individual, it really does help bring you two closer together and really value the time that you do have together,” Cipriani explained.
By reconnecting with yourself, you’re also paving the way to stay connected with your partner.
2. Focus on the small things
Grand, sweeping, romantic gestures might fuel the fire, but to keep the sparks burning, you have to pay attention to the little things.
Cipriani advised focusing on smaller romantic gestures for your partner, to let them know you’re thinking of them on any given day.
Photo: RDNE Stock Project / Pexels
She suggested grabbing their favorite snack if you’re out grocery shopping, or leaving them a little love note if you leave for work before they do.
“The little things are the things that you can do way more frequently to actually create that consistency that will keep the spark alive long-term,” she said.
She also suggested expressing love and affection through practical means: If your partner has a stressful day ahead, let them know that you’ll make dinner.
By trading who takes on what in keeping the household running, you’re not only working on your acts of service, you’re helping the relationship stay balanced and equitable, which is incredibly romantic.
3. Put down your phone and talk to each other
This particular technique is majorly important to feel connected to each other on a day-to-day basis.
Cipriani shared that she tells all her private clients to take an hour before bed to quit scrolling and have a conversation.
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“Use that time to connect and talk and have beautiful, emotional intimacy with your partner,” she said. “Giving yourself the opportunity to connect emotionally and have a deep conversation, without the phones, right before bed, often leads to amazing physical intimacy.”
If the conversations you have aren’t particularly deep or intense, don’t worry! Just going over your day together will make you feel closer. Whatever you decide to talk about, you’re still prioritizing your partner and decompressing together.
You can build emotional intimacy just by being together, without any outside distractions.
By putting in the effort to keep the spark alive in practical, accessible ways, you and your partner are well on your way to reinvesting in each other and rediscovering what brought your love to life in the first place.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.