3 Red Flags That Are Secretly Green
Sometimes what seems like a major problem is actually a total plus.
Ivanko_Brnjakovic / Getty Images via Canva Getting back into the dating world can be pretty intimidating. We worry about meeting new people and figuring out what's okay and what's not.
So, how do we know if the person we're seeing is a red flag or a green flag? After all, it can be pretty confusing with all the dating advice out there.
Luckily, dating coach Sabrina Zohar breaks it down by discussing three red flags that are actually green.
3 Red Flags That Are Actually Green
1. Wanting to go slow.
When someone says they want to take it slow, we tend to think they're not looking for anything serious. They probably just want to drag us along and are in it for the sex.
However, going slow looks different for each person. Some say going slow means no sex before marriage. Others say not dating until they've gotten to know you for a couple of months.
So, before you panic, "Ask the person what 'taking it slow' means to them," advises Zohar. Ask them their definition of slow and then express your own.
Use this time also to establish some boundaries. For example, express that you're not ready to meet their parents until you've been together for at least a few months.
Understand that going slow doesn't mean avoiding commitment. Rather, it's sometimes used to protect oneself from love bombing and other forms of manipulation.
2. Being super-independent.
You know, being independent isn't always a bad thing — it can actually be a sign of someone secure within themselves.
"When we talk about independence, we're not referring to those who've been hurt and say they can't trust or depend on anyone," says Zohar.
We are talking about people who have their priorities and life together. The person who doesn't need to talk or text every day.
The person who won't just cancel plans because they want to come see you. Instead, they prefer to schedule a time that works for both of you.
As Zohar puts it, "Cause remember you were good before these people, you'll be good after."
Understand that people need to earn their place in your life. And you shouldn't give it to them because you had a few good dates.
So, if someone can handle life as usual no matter what's happening in their love life, that's a glaring green flag.
3. Discussing past relationships.
"A more controversial green flag is being able to talk about your past relationships without getting too emotional," says Zohar.
Now, before you get all worked up, there are a few things to consider. I get it, nobody wants to talk about their ex and neither should you bring it up randomly.
However, talking about someone's past relationships can help you feel this person out. "Asking, 'How did your past relationship end and what did you learn,' can tell you a lot about their mentality," says Zohar.
Are they the type to take accountability for their mistakes? Or do they blame everyone else? If they're neutral and take responsibility, chances are they're over their ex and could make a great partner.
But if they're on the floor crying and asking God why, you might want to slowly back away because they're not over their ex.
Dating can be terrifying, with all its horror stories and uncomfortable moments. But knowing these green flags can help you navigate past the pitfalls and find the one that you've been looking for.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.