6 Red Flags You're Forcing A Relationship That Is Not Meant To Be
Are you seeing red flags before you even meet in person? That's not a good start.
Ali Jouyand | Unsplash I've made a lot of mistakes while on first dates. That clumsiness seems to find its way onto the table and knock over a glass, or my unfiltered mouth leads me into off-limit conversation territory where I find myself in heated arguments over things.
But thanks to the power of the Internet and our TMI-posting and texting generation, I've also ended (or just ruined) first dates before they even began. If you know just a couple of things about a person, you can figure out the red flags that indicate you're forcing a relationship that's not meant to be. Plus, you learn a whole lot about a person before you even step foot in their presence for the first time.
Here are the red flags you're forcing a relationship that's not meant to be:
1. They were recently in the news — and not for a good reason
Nothing like a visit to the slammer to put the kibosh on a date.
"An hour before I was supposed to meet a guy for a happy hour date, I decided to Google search him. To my surprise, I found pages and pages of articles about him getting arrested recently for a fight he had with his ex-girlfriend. That was a deal breaker, and I canceled the date." — Jen Saccarmo, 28
2. They are already dating someone
One incredibly reasonable requirement for your first date? That they're actually available.
"I saw on Facebook and Instagram that a guy I was going to meet for a date was in pictures from this same week kissing another girl. Maybe they were not in a relationship, but knowing that he was romantically involved with someone else just days before our date was weird and something I didn’t want to waste my time getting involved with." — Fannie M., 22
This indicates potential issues with commitment, honesty, and respect for boundaries, often stemming from a lack of emotional availability or manipulative behavior, especially if they try to hide this fact from you.
A study published by Louisiana State University explained that being in a casual dating phase with someone while seeing others might be acceptable depending on mutual understanding, but actively hiding or downplaying this fact is a red flag.
3. Their lifestyle consists solely of partying
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Partying on social media doesn't just turn off college admissions and employers — if you're not into the party atmosphere yourself, then they are probably going to drive you crazy.
"I saw on Facebook that he went to a lot of raves and clubs and that's not my style. I'm more into someone who is a homebody and doesn't drink a lot because I don't like to drink." — Sasha P., 31
4. They aren't friendly when you text them
Nothing screams 'red flag' like a mean text before you've even met.
"If someone has a negative attitude or is rude to me over text messages before we’ve met, that means they are too much drama and I have zero interest in actually going on a date with them." — Alegra S., 20
Research published by Oklahoma State University explained that this can indicate poor communication skills, a lack of respect for boundaries, and potential aggression. It could also be a sign of underlying issues in a person's behavior, especially if it's a recurring pattern in their communication style.
5. They text you excessively
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It may be time to tell them to put down the phone if they are driving you nuts before you even meet.
"If a girl is texting nonstop, it's a huge turn-off. We haven't even met in person yet, save your life story for then. If I learn more about you before I meet you, I lose interest." — Sam K., 33
6. They lie about little things
One way to destroy a meet-up with your online match? Saying you're anything other than who you really are.
"My online date, who I was so excited to meet, flaked out of our plans for our first date. He called the next day to apologize and said he had a "mission." I asked him about his job (because he ignored it the first time I asked) and told me he was a secret agent, giving me details about where he was going and what he'd be doing. Why on earth would a secret agent reveal this to an online date?" — Trixie, M, 26.
This indicates a lack of trust and potential for manipulation. It can also signify deeper underlying issues, mainly when exhibited in a consistent pattern. If someone frequently lies, it should be taken seriously and could signal a potential problem.
A study published by Psychological Science reminded us that while lying can be a red flag, it's crucial to consider the context and individual circumstances before making conclusions. Sometimes, people might lie due to fear, anxiety, or a desire to protect themselves, which may not necessarily reflect a pattern of dishonesty.
Jen Glantz is the founder of Bridesmaid for Hire, the author of two memoirs, and an energetic & crowd-moving speaker.