5 Red Flags Your First Date With Him Should Also Be Your Last, Says Dating Coach
Sometimes, you’re better off if you walk away from him earlier than later.
Africa images | Canva Deciding to accept a date from someone for the first time can be anxiety-inducing for many women. After all, you're meeting a total stranger and wondering if he might be right for you. That's a lot of pressure.
You may worry whether you will make a good first impression or if the conversation will flow easily. Some women tend to be more accepting of a first date’s behavior, while others may be very discerning about who might have a chance for a second date.
Here are 5 red flags your first date with him should also be your last:
1. Your date controls the conversational agenda
He quickly dismisses what you have to say and changes the subject before you are ready. He is visibly impatient when you speak.
2. He shares things about his personal life that reveal his faults or incompatible values
Someone who brings up topics like his therapy history, family dysfunctions, or criminal run-ins shows a serious lack of judgment.
3. He can’t stop talking about what went wrong with his last relationship
If your date is using you as a sounding board to get over his ex, he isn’t ready to relate to you. He is using you as a rebound relationship, as shown in a 2013 study from Louisiana State University.
4. He sends a signal that he’s only interested in a casual relationship
For instance, by discussing his sexual history or fantasies — he's telling you what he wants and expects.
5. He discusses your yet-to-be-born children, plans a vacation for the two of you, or regales you with stories of your future together
Research from the American Psychological Association on relationship initiation and development demonstrates that he is likely projecting an imaginary world in which his fantasy of you has a starring role.
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No one wants to waste time dating the wrong guy. How you decide whether to give a man a second chance depends on what didn't seem right.
This is the thing, it's just a second date. All you're doing is getting to know each other better. You don't need to spend more than a couple of hours together. You can say "no" to anything he asks you to do. At this point, your goal is to have fun and do a little detective work to discover whether you like him more...or less than before.
The myth that good relationships start with great first dates is just that, a myth. A study of predictors of romantic relationship formation helps explain how the ability to impress a woman on a first date isn't a clear sign a man has good relationship potential. It just means he is good at dating.
Let’s look at it from Mike’s perspective. First-date pressure could have caused him to feel shy or nervous, especially if he was highly attracted to Suzie.
He will likely become more at ease if they get to know each other better. Once that happens, she will be likely to make a more accurate assessment of their chemistry and compatibility. But there are circumstances when it’s best to say goodbye after the first date.
While it’s often wise to get to know a man over several dates before deciding if he has romantic potential, you’re better off if you walk away from him if he’s exhibiting any of the above-listed red flags.
Annie Gleason is a dating coach whose strategic dating advice has provided lasting love to hundreds of women.