10 Real Reasons You're Single You Need To Admit To Yourself
You may be surprised to learn that you are single by choice.
stockfour / Shutterstock Too many people feel like they're sentenced to a lifetime of loneliness and singlehood.
They see themselves as failures because they haven’t found the one or have found and lost the one more than once.
I'd like to offer another perspective on the issue.
For those of you who feel like you've somehow failed at love, think again. In truth, you've made a powerful choice for yourself.
Here are 10 reasons why you might have made this very personal choice.
1. You've been unwilling to settle for something or someone that has not worked for you.
A lot of people stay in relationships and find themselves settling— it's okay to set the bar high even if that means you end up choosing to stay single.
2. You've been focusing your energies on something more important in your life.
Relationships require a lot of energy and attention, especially in the beginning — it's okay to choose other people and areas of your life in which to channel your time and energy.
3. Relationship skills are not your strong suit and you're not willing to do anything about it.
You are entitled to accept yourself as is and live accordingly.
4. You need a lot of autonomy and control over how you live your life.
Relationships require interdependence, compromise, and a willingness to take care of the relationship’s needs first, instead of your own — not everyone is cut out for this and that's okay.
5. You like the freedom of exploring different people.
Not much else to say about this one — long-term commitment and monogamy are simply not of interest to you.
6. You've seen too many couples struggle, divorce, or stay unhappily together.
I don't blame people for being wary of committed relationships — there are certainly a lot of casualties out there.
7. You're too desperate and it shows.
People know when they're meeting someone who "has to" be in a relationship as opposed to someone who "wants to" be in a relationship — desperation is a turn-off.
8. You may have a low tolerance for discomfort; sometimes you need to be uncomfortable for a while before you get comfortable.
Relationships require delayed gratification and tolerance to struggle — it simply may be too hard for you to hang in there when things get tough.
9. You've been through too many heartbreaks and you’re done.
Sometimes, especially in your senior years, you may have “been there done that” too many times and now want to live a simple single life.
10. You've been unwilling to get help when things get messy.
Some people simply have to "go it alone" and resist getting outside help — this may be because of pride, laziness, money, or not knowing where to find the right help.
Remember, choice is powerful. Honor your choice today. You can always make a different one tomorrow.
Julie Orlov is a psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery.