A Real Day In The Life Of A Professional Matchmaker — 'Finding Needles In Haystacks Is What I Do'
How one matchmaker helps people find love.
Gabriella Csapo | Canva Ever wonder what a professional matchmaker does all day long? It's not quite as glamorous as some folks think, but there's never a dull day in Love Land, that's for sure. Here's a glimpse into what I did yesterday.
A real day in the life of a professional matchmaker looks like this:
1. In-person consultations
One was with a handsome young attorney (38) who's placing his love life in my hands as he's ready for dating and romance to take center stage in his life. He's not inclined to throw his face up online and the bar scene is not his thing. He was the highlight of my day, as women are always asking me where to find good, solid men who are seeking life-long love.
These men do exist, case in point. And I met with a great woman (56, a marketing consultant) who's considering hiring a matchmaker, but who's not quite ready to invest. So I created a Romance Marketing Plan for her, took some great photos, and wrote up essay responses for her dating profiles.
Tirachard Kumtanom / Pexels
2. Searching and making outreach phone calls
I'm always screening, vetting, and qualifying prospective candidates for my current clients. It's a home run when I have two current clients who are a phenomenal fit for each other, and that's an easy and instantly fruitful match for me to make. But it's not usually that easy.
Over half of our happily matched clients we successfully paired with prospective candidates who we had recruited or who were referred to us, but who've never been active clients with us. I typically spend 2-3 hours each day on outreach calls and emails with potential candidates in searching for my current clients. Finding needles in haystacks is what matchmaking is all about.
3. Client pitches
Especially when serving my female clients, I never want to "tease" her with a man who might or might not be available, interested, or attracted, so I reach out to the man I'm targeting first, to check in with him, make sure he's available and that timing is good for an introduction.
Then, when he enthusiastically wants to meet her, I'll present him as a suitor to my female client, and when she's also a Yes for meeting, I'll orchestrate the first date details. It's not uncommon for me to reach out to five or even ten candidates before I have a solid suitor to introduce to my female client. Fortunately, I've learned to handle rejection well.
4. Post-date feedback and coaching calls with clients
We wrestled with questions like: Should she text him a sweet "Thank you" after the first date? Should he ask her if she wants to date exclusively? How can she deepen their new relationship without offering up intimacy before she feels ready?
Should she have him over for dinner or should she bring a picnic lunch for a hike? These new relationships are so tender and delicate, and I love helping clients move through the rapid waters that dating so often is.
Canva Studio / Pexels
5. Acting as a first-date concierge
It's my pleasure to arrange the first date details for my clients, choose the right venue, make reservations, and confirm details with both parties, so all they have to do is show up, have fun, and explore possibilities. I never want to see an introduction die or fizzle out before two people meet in person, so I like to eliminate the need for the pre-date phone interview, the text messaging, the back-and-forth dialogue about where to meet, what to do on the date and the dreaded social media stalking and Googling.
Our success is due in part to our ability to preserve the first impression for the face-to-face meeting, which is where bonding can begin for two people. Marketing, creating and managing upcoming events, writing blog and social media posts. Behind-the-scenes activities that all matchmakers and dating coaches need to do regularly.
6. Happy hour recruiting
In the Ferman home, we mix business with pleasure all the time. My. husband, Gil, and I are often seen out and about with our dog Biscuit, our favorite flirting prop, and when interesting people stop to pet the pooch, you can count on us to always find out the answer to the question, "So, how's your love life?" Yesterday ended for us at the Westlake Village Promenade with Biscuit the Goofball. The lady who took our photo? She's newly single and thoroughly adorable, and she'll be meeting with me for a dating consultation next week. I've got several men in mind for her to meet already...
Julie Ferman is a personal matchmaker, consultant, dating coach, media personality, professional speaker, producer of dating industry conferences and events, and blogger. She's been a guest on countless television shows including Good Morning America, The Today Show, Dr. Phil, and Fox News.