13 Rare Reasons To Take Back Your Ex
Thirteen reasons you should ditch your "never take an ex back" policy.
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock John Mayer has been trying to make Jennifer Aniston his girlfriend again. They always come back, don't they ladies?
First, he dumped her via text message last August (ouch!) and then, after a brief reunion, broke up with her again in March. Apparently, now John has been begging her for another chance. The balladeer has gone boo-hoo for his Hollywood honey.
Sure, our own Erin and conventional wisdom say that in life you only get one chance. But in love, there are no rules. However, there is good advice, not to mention learning from your mistakes. That's why I'm going to share with you the biggest relationship mistake I ever made.
I used to have a "never take an ex back" policy. It stopped me from making plenty of mistakes, like bad ex-sex, dropping cash I didn't have on a bikini wax, and becoming the victim of drunken mistakes. Some guys you just get over and there's no need for a do-over.
But I've only ever loved one man and after we broke up, he tried to make it work again for months. I, on the other hand, was still in love with him too but refused to break my own childish rule— no take-backs.
Why didn't I give us one more shot? At the very least, I wasn't done letting him hurt me. At the very most, well, now he's married to someone else. Now I'm left with "what if?" questions. What if I'll never love any other man as much? What if I never have sex as good again?
What if he was THE ONE? And my personal favorite: What if I'm going to die alone now? Even more excruciating and existential is the other side of the coin: A
m I inflating who he is and what we had? Has he been martyred because he was the one that got away?
Not giving yourself another chance is like opening a Pandora's Box of second-guessing yourself. OK, so I kept my pride, but so what? It didn't get me what I wanted—him. And all I had to lose was a little bit more time spent trying to figure things out between us. Unfortunately, now I'm stuck with a lifetime of wondering "what if?"
OK, so maybe even if my ex and I had gotten back together, it probably wouldn't have worked out. In that case, I'd have ruined his delicious fantasy of him for good. Sad, sure, but maybe that's just what I needed to move on. And hey, makeup sex can be worth the hassle of a do-over.
I'm here to help you not make the same mistake I did. While you don't owe every dude you've done a second chance, there are those select few who you just have to give it to.
However, before you go re-welcoming them with open arms, you have to think about what exactly you're going to also have to embrace about him. Is he worth a second or—in Jen and John's case—a third time around? Here's to hoping you can see if he's worth giving another shot.
Here are 13 rare reasons to take back your ex:
1. Day McDreamy
If you think about the dude every day, or even a couple of times a week, you're sooooo not done with him.
2. Bf & bff
Your pals still want to be his friend. If they're still rooting for him, maybe you should be too.
3. Black and blue
He didn't ever hurt you physically. In fact, he was quite gentlemanly.
4. Time is on your side
You feel like you've got nothing to lose except maybe a couple of hours for a date. Whatever happens, happens.
5. Not co-dependent
Beware, if he's vengeful or even slightly manipulative, he might just be waiting to get the upper hand again.
6. Going the distance
What's he doing to get you back? Was it a random drunk text or did he talk to you face-to-face or phone-to-phone? Heck, he's gotta give you at least an email you can tell he spent time on. Guys get bonus points for creativity here, i.e., love letters, getting the DJ to play your fave song, or other heart-melting rom-com-esque smooth moves.
7. Change is possible
It's been a long time, so he may have actually grown up.
8. Back and forth
If either one of you is not willing to discuss the past openly, there's no future. Do you think you can articulate what your old problems were to him or are you afraid to go there?
9. Needy not greedy
Ideally, he's single. But most importantly, he's not trying to stick it in you while he's still dating someone else. He has genuine feelings; he's not just feeling up on you.
10. If it ain't broke, don't fix it
Can you be realistic about your expectations? Are you OK with crashing and burning, or will it send you back to relationship rehab?
11. Not-so-sexy times
If the sex was never good, forget it. Either you have it or you don't; you can't learn chemistry.
12. Please forgive me
Do you still hold a grudge? Do you want him to pay for what he did to you last time? You can't run your love life like it's a toll booth. If you can't find it in your heart to forgive him, you can't date him again.
13. Tie the not
Could you see yourself marrying him or being with him forever? If not, why bother? If you're just looking for a good lay, he's not your stunt penis that can just slip in for the action scenes. You can't have meaningless sex with an ex—there are feelings there. So, go find a new boy toy.
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