10 Rare Qualities That Make Someone A Really Good Partner
These are the qualities that make a relationship truly loving and healthy.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock There's a lot that goes into someone being a good partner, from emotional maturity and intelligence, good communication, shared values and morals, and an ability to show up in a supportive manner that makes the other person feel seen and valued. It's someone who's not only incredibly loyal but also willing to grow both individually and within the relationship.
However, beneath the surface of traits that seem quite obvious when you're in a relationship with someone, there are some hidden qualities that maybe don't show up right away, but are just as important. According to relationship expert Kimberly Moffit, these rare qualities can make a relationship incredibly fruitful and dynamic.
From being able to give constructive criticism without attacking your partner to not using silence as a weapon during moments of conflict, the rare qualities that make someone a really good partner are often things that we never really think about, but end up making all the difference, especially when it comes to feeling safe, protected, and loved.
1. They're good at avoiding 'emotional contagion'
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A healthy partner ensures that their mood never affects their partner. If they're having a bad day or feeling overwhelmed, they know to excuse themselves so they can process and work through their emotions without bringing others down with them.
They know how to regulate their emotions in a healthy manner, and they don't make their partner feel as if they need to walk on eggshells around them to avoid setting them off even further. If their bad mood is due to their partner, then they will have a healthy dialogue to work through the problem so it doesn't fester.
2. They can acknowledge when something is triggering them
You know someone's a good partner when they're quick about acknowledging something that triggers them while also being able to explain it so their partner understands and can respond with care instead of confusion. Rather than lashing out, shutting down, or walking away, this individual will make sure that they're pausing to reflect before saying something they know will hurt their partner.
They aren't just expecting their partner to read their mind and automatically fix the issue. They're emotionally aware enough to actually say, "Hey, X is bothering me, so let's sit down and work this out." By being this open, it keeps their partner from spiraling and wondering what's wrong.
3. They give constructive criticism without being harsh
Too often, people think that just because they're pointing out things that their partner does wrong or needs to work on, they should be grateful. There is a significant difference between criticism delivered with harsh intentions and constructive criticism that comes from a place of love. The difference is usually in tone, and a healthy partner is able to distinguish the two.
As Moffit explained, " A healthy partner... can give constructive criticism without diminishing your partner's self-worth, making sure they feel supported, not attacked." The productive way to offer feedback starts from a place of compassion and care.
4. They hold space for their partner's feelings
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A healthy partner is able to sit with their significant other's feelings without automatically trying to fix things, judge, or dismiss them. Even if their partner doesn't know what they're feeling, they don't shy away from the discomfort or confusion. Instead, they are able to embrace it.
Holding space doesn't mean holding your partner's feelings for them until they're able to feel them, but rather creating a safe environment where those feelings are allowed to exist without shame. "When you’re with someone you care about who is going through a hard time or is expressing joy, it is a beautiful skill to hold space for them. This means that you choose to be totally present with that person," explained clinical professor Judith Orloff, M.D. "Your mind is still: You’re not overly involved. You’re not thinking about how to change or fix them."
She went on to say, "You’re not focused on your own emotions, which may be getting triggered. Instead, you look at them with love, listen with your heart, and hold a positive, nonjudgmental space for this person to just Be."
5. They encourage their partner to take care of themselves
It's so easy to neglect your self-care routine if you're experiencing high levels of stress or burnout, but a healthy partner can recognize when you're feeling overwhelmed and be a supportive presence in your corner, encouraging you to take time for yourself. They're actively insisting that you see a therapist if you need someone to talk to, or even spending a night out with your friends to get your mind off things.
6. They understand their partner's emotional reactions are not a reflection of them
A healthy partner knows that not every emotional reaction from their partner is about them. They're able to reflect without internalizing, and they don't take it personally when their partner is going through a hard time.
Even if they may not directly understand what's going on, they'll allow their partner to vent and get all of their feelings of frustration out. They're simply able to offer the right amount of support and understanding because they know everyone has a past, and it's never a reflection of who they are now.
7. They value clarity over comfort
A healthy partner refuses to let things fester. They would rather have a hard and difficult conversation with the person they're with than simply sweep things under the rug just to keep the peace. They can't think of anything worse than avoiding conflict just to keep the harmony, because it's not real serenity if there's tension building. They would simply rather talk about all of the hard stuff than allow resentment to build later on.
8. They don't use silence as a weapon
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During an argument or disagreement, they won't go silent just to punish their partner. Instead, they'll use the quiet as a moment to reflect and cool off if needed. They're aware that nothing good ever comes from the silent treatment because it only ends up creating more distance and problems.
"Being the target of silent treatment is a challenge for anyone, but it is especially difficult for individuals who already have low self-esteem as well as individuals who have anxious attachment," explained mental health expert Bernard Golden, Ph.D. "A part of this pattern includes fear regarding the stability and dependability of relationships — anxiety that is only provoked by silent treatment. Subsequently, more than others, they may be quick to feel intense rejection and fear of loss."
9. They're aware of their own emotional baggage
No one enters a relationship without having baggage. Whether it's from a past relationship or even childhood trauma, we all have things that we're still carrying that we haven't worked through. However, a healthy partner will take the time to unpack their struggles and unresolved issues without burdening their partner.
10. They make time to celebrate milestones
A healthy partner makes sure to go above and beyond for every achievement and accomplishment that their partner has received. Even if it might seem small in their eyes, they refuse to let their significant other ever feel that they don't deserve to be celebrated or honored. They're willing to show appreciation for the little things, and aren't just waiting for birthdays or anniversaries to show how much they love and cherish the person they're with.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
