The 3 Questions You Need To Ask Before Getting Into A Relationship With Someone
Before you make it official, make sure you know this is the right person for you.
fizkes / Shutterstock You've been dating someone for a while, and are now thinking about making it official. After all, you connect so well, and they make you laugh more than you ever had before.
But before you tie the knot pause — and think for a second. Are you sure you're on the same page? Are you sure you're truly compatible? And what questions do you need to ask to be able to tell?
Dating coach Sabrina Zohar breaks it down by discussing the three questions you need to ask before making your relationship official.
The Three Questions To Ask Before Getting Into A Relationship
1. How do you feel about the way we communicate?
If you're going to ask this question you might not always like the response, says Zohar. And sure, the person you're dating might say that you both communicate well and there's nothing to improve on.
However, they can easily say that your communication skills suck and that there needs to be change before you guys can get into a relationship.
Which is why you need to get curious before entering into a relationship.
"And see if are you guys handling things or giving conflict and repair? Are you guys being honest and vulnerable with each other? Do you actually trust this person and what they say," asks Zohar.
2. Do we have a good balance between time spent together and time apart?
Even if you're in a relationship it's important to have your own life. Yet, that doesn't mean you can't create a life together. But, just like anything in life, there needs to be a balance.
So, look at how much time you spend together. Do you make room for alone time or do you find yourself spending all your time with this one person?
Zohar explains, "You can't be doing every single thing with your partner and you also don't want to be doing nothing with your partner." So, what's the sweet spot?
According to psychologist John and Julie Gottman's research, "Couples who spend six hours per week on their relationship notice an improvement in communication, fondness and admiration, and attunement."
3. What's a non-negotiable for you in our relationship?
In any relationship, certain things are non-negotiable. Zohar says, "Start to see maybe a non-negotiable for them is the way you guys communicate." That to be in a relationship with them they need to communicate with you daily.
You might find that their non-negotiable is something you can't give them. Or you might realize that your non-negotiables align when it comes to communication or spending quality time together.
Either way, you both have the right to ask for your needs to be met. As Zohar puts it, "Cool, you have every right to ask for that and then have a conversation about it."
When you've been dating for a while it's tempting to want to jump right into a relationship. However, before we jump it's important to pause — and consider your compatibility.
And by asking these three questions, you can better figure out if this relationship is a good fit for you or not.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.