12 Major Questions The Strongest Couples Ask Each Other To Get Even Closer
A deeper bond is attainable, but it takes serious effort.
StockLite | Canva We sometimes wish we had a magic wand that can make our relationship even better. We'd much rather cut corners than put in any hard work.
But that's where the secret lies: work. Relationships are work. There are no shortcuts, no half measures, and no quick fixes. We have to dive in there — hook, line, and sinker.
Once you've healed your own emotional wounds and feel whole and complete, you can start to fill each other's emotional love tank, which allows you to speak the love language your partner responds to. And you'll both feel emotionally loved at a much deeper level.
Here are 12 questions the strongest couples ask each other to get closer
1. 'What do you find most difficult to put into words?'
Andrea Piacquadio | Pexels
This is a very powerful question, as you are asking what makes your partner feel vulnerable. Showing your vulnerability tells your partner it's okay to do this and can lead your relationship to a much deeper place.
Perhaps it's about intimacy, relatives, being on your phone, not supporting them when in company with others, or feeling inadequate in some area. We all have our own triggers for this, but not addressing them directly with our partner can lead to issues down the road.
Instead, talking through this and sharing your difficulties will help your partner to voice theirs, so you can find a way of helping each other. And it's just the first step in building a much stronger relationship.
2. 'Would you like to hold hands more often?'
Katerina Holmes | Pexels
Intimacy comes at different levels in any relationship, but the very basic level is one of simple physical touch. That can mean holding hands, snuggling on the couch, or even giving your partner a shoulder rub.
So, ask your partner if this is something they want more of. Sometimes, we may unintentionally deprive our romantic partner of physical touch. But, as studies have found, this can lead to higher levels of loneliness.
The benefits of showing affection are endless, and expressing yourself in this way is just another way to bring you and your partner closer.
3. 'How can I help or support you this week?'
Jasmine Carter | Pexels
It's easy to get caught up in our busy lives. After all, we likely spend most of our time working, taking care of our family, and tending to household or financial chores. But when we neglect to be there for our partner, it creates emotional distance.
Rather than trying to read your partner's mind, ask them up front what you can do to help support them. Maybe it means doing the dishes one night, cooking a meal, or just giving them some time to decompress from their responsibilities.
When you do this for your partner, they will no doubt do the same for you.
4. 'Have I offended you in any way recently?'
Alex Green | Pexels
You might not be ready to hear the answer to this, but it's good to get it out in the open. It's a struggle at first because you'll likely want to defend yourself, but instead of being defensive, hear them out without interrupting and just listen — it's how they saw it and felt.
Then, comes the hard bit: accepting it. Follow this with, "How do you think I could behave differently next time?" Now you have your answer to exactly how your partner feels about the event or behavior, and this really takes the relationship deeper.
It won't be easy for you to hear, but it also isn't easy for your partner to say these things, as they will probably not want to upset you. The more you do this, the easier it gets.
5. 'What will make coming home at the end of the day even better for you?'
KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA | Pexels
Never assume your partner wants a cup of tea as soon as they come through the door or that they want to hear about your day.
Perhaps, instead, they want to vent about their long day as soon as they enter the house. If this is the case, take 15 minutes and just listen. Don't attempt to fix anything, don't judge — just listen.
Then, it can be your turn. After that, you can both go off and carry on with whatever you were doing.
So, ask your partner what works for them. Maybe they want a lot of physical affection straight away or, perhaps, no communication at all. There's no right or wrong, it's finding out what works for you both.
6. 'What are you stressed about right now, and can I help in some way?'
Kampus Production | Pexels
This is a question strong couples ask each other regularly. Perhaps they may respond with, "No, there's nothing you can do, it's way out of your depth."
But, here lies the "golden nugget" — once you start the conversation, your partner can then see the situation in a different light, and maybe even mention something small you can do to help alleviate the stress.
Asking your partner what you can do to help shows that you care, even if you can't resolve the problem at all.
7. 'Would you like more time alone or more time together this week?'
Ketut Subiyanto | Pexels
This could be a question you struggled with in the past, as you probably didn't like the answer when it came back to me. Maybe your partner has said, "I'd rather have some time to myself this week as I have a lot on and space helps me with clarification."
While it's hard not to take it personally, when you take a step back to be objective, you realize it's not about you; rather, it's about what your partner needs right now. So, ask this question weekly and perhaps even make it into a habit.
And if your partner does say they want to spend more time together, consider it a win, as research has shown that couples who spend more time together tend to be happier.
8. 'Have I had an argument this week that hasn't been resolved?'
Ivan Samkov | Pexels
This is a question to ask yourself, as well as your partner. The first thing that will come to mind is, "I don't want to bring up those bad feelings again." But the trouble is that, if you leave resentment, it festers and grows and will rear its ugly head again once another trigger displays itself.
So, as hard as it is, and you know you'll feel uncomfortable, ask the question and get it out in the open. You will both be glad in the end, as this is a real relationship strength.
9. 'Is there something I can do to make you feel more loved?'
Monstera Production | Pexels
When you're together with your partner in a quiet moment, this is a profound question to ask them.
Your partner may well want more peace and just enjoy being there with you, they may want to be touched more, they may want to have some positive words said about them, they may want you both to start planning your future together, or perhaps they just want more quality time spent together.
The important thing is to ask the question and just let it go. No matter what the answer is, it shows how attentive you are to your partner's needs, and how deeply you care about their well-being.
10. 'What's one thing you feel our relationship is lacking?'
Budgeron Bach | Pexels
This is one you can ask on a monthly basis and work towards. If you have it written down, perhaps you'll be able to brainstorm some steps if you can't see the answer straight away, especially if it's a big issue.
While it's great to talk about all the positive things about your relationship, it's also important to talk about where your relationship could use some help. The strongest couples know they need to work hard continuously to improve their bond, after all.
11. 'What's your biggest fear for our relationship?'
John Diez | Pexels
Get clear on explaining your fear first to put your partner at ease, and it will then give them the go-ahead that it's okay to be vulnerable and share. This really will start opening up channels that will help to cement your relationship further.
Don't expect much at first, as it's hard to put into words, and also to be totally honest. But by bringing up the not-so-incredible parts of your relationship, you're getting it all out in the open, leaving no room for guessing.
It's normal to have fears when you're in a relationship or marriage, but that's what makes it all worth working hard for.
12. 'How would you describe your love for me?'
Katerina Holmes | Pexels
This is a question few of us ask, and the answer might change as the relationship grows and you both have deeper feelings towards each other. But it's a good thing to ask on a regular basis.
Before you launch with the question, ask yourself first to see what it means to you. Then, direct the question towards your partner. Take turns sharing what their love means to you, and use it to move your relationship into a much deeper, connected place.
Take the time to strengthen what you already have; it doesn't happen by itself. Remove all distractions, create a clear space, and take some time purely for each other.
Happy, healthy relationships that have great meaning take work, but they can also be the most amazing part of your life. Your relationship could become the best thing that's ever happened.
Louise Armstrong is a family relationship coach, counselor, author, and clinical hypnotherapist.