3 Questions To Avoid Asking A Partner (Unless You're Ready To Hear The Answer)
Deep down, you know the answer to these questions.
matdesign24, Prostock-Studio | Canva Questions like the ones below, and others like them, are inquiries that should never be asked unless you are prepared to hear both answers.
The 3 questions to avoid asking a partner, unless you're ready to hear the answer:
1. Do you still love me?"
2. "Do you want to break up?"
3. Do you want to get back together?
By the time these questions are asked, the answer is never going to be good. Yet, I have counseled so many couples and continue to speak to people daily who ask these questions.
The hope is that they are just being insecure and the answer will be the one they want. However, when the answer is not the one they are looking for, they exhibit behavior that is not very attractive and can be humiliating.
How bad is it to be insecure in a relationship? Research has found that relationship/attachment insecurity predicts lower relationship quality and problematic dynamics.
If you suspect that your partner does not love you anymore, is seeing someone else, or you are unsure if your ex wants to get back together and the uncertainty is driving you crazy, then, by all means, ask.
Just make sure you are prepared for any answer. To not be prepared for the worst possible news is to be in denial. Denial can lead to wishing for something that you know is not going to happen.
Do not make a fool of yourself. Ask the question, but be prepared for the wrong answer. You should also be prepared to act with grace and dignity if the answer is not what you expect.
You are not a fool, which is why you are starting to realize you need to ask these questions. But, do not ask them without preparation and without giving yourself time to fully absorb what your partner might say and what it is going to mean for you and your relationship.
Rehearse with a friend. Mull it over. Figure it out. You should know that the wrong answer means that this person is not for you.
You should not be thinking that you are not good enough, or somehow deficient if your partner says something that you do not want to hear. Do not take the wrong answer to mean you are less than you are.
The wrong answer simply means this person is not the one for you. It does not, I repeat does not, mean that anything is wrong with you. It just means this relationship is not the be-all and end-all for you.
The sooner you realize that the sooner you can grieve and the sooner you can move on to the one who is right for you.
But, before you get there, make sure you are prepared for any answer and to accept the answer. You should also know that you will be alright no matter what because you will be. You have no other choice.
Susan J. Elliott is a media commentator, lawyer, and author of the book, Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You.