5 Questions To Ask Yourself If You're Unsure About Your Relationship
We are all deserving of fulfilling partnerships, even if they're not perfect.
Ba Tik / Pexels There are bound to be points of doubt throughout any romantic relationship, moments when you ask yourself, “Is this person the right person for me?” It’s unlikely that you’ll feel completely certain about your partner one hundred percent of the time.
Podcaster Chris Williamson shared certain ways to know if the person you’re with is really the best match for you.
There are 5 questions to ask yourself if you’re unsure about your relationship.
1. Would it be a compliment if someone told you that you’re just like your partner?
We’ve all heard the adage that opposites attract, but it turns out, that might not be the case, at all. The idea of opposites attracting can be traced back to a paper from 1954, written by sociologist Robert F. Winch.
Yet it’s more likely that people tend to choose partners whose ideals align with their own values, political views, and the ways they want to live their lives.
There are 5 major traits, commonly known as “The Big Five,” that represent the differences in people’s personalities. These traits include:
- Intellectual curiosity or openness to experience
- Conscientiousness
- Sociability
- Compassion
- Tendencies toward anxiety or depression
Most partnerships are composed of two people with higher levels of similarity than difference.
Photo: Anna Shvets / Pexels
Of course, you might not love every aspect of your partner’s personality; they’re sure to have quirks or habits that get under your skin. Yet if someone told you that you and your partner are totally alike, how would that sit with you?
If the thought of being like your partner makes you recoil, you might want to rethink why you’re with them at all.
2. Are you truly fulfilled or just less lonely?
Our society is in the midst of a major loneliness epidemic. The level of loneliness has grown so deep that the U.S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, labeled the lack of connection and increase in social isolation as a public health crisis.
Social connection is hugely important for us to thrive, but if you’re in a relationship, you should ask yourself whether the person you’re with makes you feel fully fulfilled, or if being together feels more like a temporary solution to being on your own.
Photo: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
Maybe it feels easier to be with your person than it would to be alone, yet it’s valuable to remember that we all deserve partnerships that fulfill us on a mental, emotional, and physical level. If your relationship is more of a bandaid than a true balm for your soul, it might not be the right relationship to put your energy into.
3. Are you able to be unapologetically yourself?
When you’re with your partner, are you your fullest self, or do you show up differently to please them? You should feel a level of comfort with your person, a knowledge that you will be fully loved and accepted for exactly who you are.
4. Are you in love with who your partner is right now, as a whole?
Connected to the previous question is the question of whether or not you love your partner fully for who they are, in the present moment, or if you love only their positive attributes, their future potential, or solely the idea of who they are as a person.
We want our partners to be the best, most fully realized versions of themselves, yet we should love them in a way that follows the map of radical acceptance. Loving all of them, including the dark, hard parts; loving them for who they are today, and not who we want them to be in the future.
5. Would you want your future or imagined child to date someone like your partner?
Picture your life years down the road, and imagine that your child introduces you to their other half, and it’s someone who’s just like your partner. Would you be happy and accepting of their choice, or feel wary and disappointed?
Photo: Caleb Oquendo / Pexels
In a similar vein, you can ask yourself if your bestie or sibling was dating someone similar to your partner, how would you feel? It might seem like a silly question, but it is a valuable thought exercise in whether you’ve actually found your best match.
One person noted in the comments section that answering “no” to these questions isn’t a hard and fast reason to break up: It might just mean you two have to grow together. Relationships aren’t static entities. They certainly don’t exist in a vacuum, and they take practical and emotional labor to maintain.
Yet a fulfilling partnership should be a wholehearted endeavor because we’re all deserving of wholehearted love.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers relationships, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.