Psychology Says Women Who Hold These 5 Beliefs Will Never Settle For A Subpar Relationship
Increase your satisfaction in life and love.
Ozan Çulha | Canva Maybe you’re the one still in a relationship with a person who treats you like garbage — and has for years. You vacillate between blaming your partner and blaming yourself. You feel miserable in private and angry and bitter in public. You’ve told your partner how you feel, and he or she promised things would change "soon," … but they haven’t.
If you’re looking for a sign from the universe that it's time to fish or cut bait, this is it. If you want a life and relationship that's better than what you have now, you are the one who must change it.
Here are 5 beliefs women hold to never settle for a subpar relationship, says psychology:
1. They believe they are worthy of better.
Stop what you're doing and look in the mirror. The person you see is worthy of love. Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.
Too fat, too thin, too out, too in, too busy, too broke, too much trouble, too many jerks, too much baggage, too little time, too much drama, too many bills, too late, too old ... stop! Just as you are, you are worthy. We're all works in progress.
2. They examine their relationship.
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Seriously, look at it with honest eyes. Someone who loves you builds you up and doesn't break you down. Someone who loves you and supports your passions, as shown in the Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin. They don't make you feel inadequate.
That partner looks for ways to add to your happiness, not insist on being the entire source of it. A real partner loves who you are, not just what you do for them.
3. They accept they can’t make their partner change.
Stop trying to twist your partner into the mold that works for you. Right or wrong, good or bad for you — your partner is their own person. Your bewilderment or frustration won’t change anyone and only hurts you. People change when they're good and ready.
If someone won’t address your needs, it doesn’t necessarily make either one of you bad people. Research from Saint Paul University suggests it means you two aren’t compatible. Period. End. Full stop.
4. They stop trying to make it all better.
You can’t care for someone else or yourself through a breakup or separation. Breakups suck, which is why so many people stay in relationships that make them miserable rather than leave, as supported by studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
It’s easier to stay and remain silently miserable than to leave and face the mystery of life on your own. But here’s the thing: You will never find the light unless you risk the dark.
5. They know moving on means taking the steps to do it.
Unfriend. Delete. And quit stalking your ex from your best friend’s social media. You aren’t fooling anyone, and you look desperate. Maybe you and your ex will become friendly acquaintances later, but that’s later (which is far, far away from today).
You need a clear separation to let go of what was and then move on to what will be. There is no way to start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
Your life is your own, but when you dwell in the past, you prevent yourself from creating a happy future, as research in the Cognitive and Behavioral Practice Journal shows. Get honest with yourself and accept that things don’t always go the way we think they should. It sucks, but it’s part of adult life.
Change is as easy as you let it be.
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Now, is all this easy to say and hard to do? Absolutely not. But the secret is to start; it will get easier as you go. "Soon" is just a code word for "someday," and "someday" actually means "never."
Days and weeks pass, but you’re afraid to end your relationship — your practically dead, unhappy, passionless, predictable, unsatisfying relationship. Your friends and family are sick of hearing about it, and you’re tired of feeling like crap all the time. But still, you stay.
Do you know who’s responsible for all of this? You are not necessarily because you created the situation. Not because you’re a terrible person. And certainly not because you’re unworthy of love and happiness.
You’re responsible because things no longer work between you and your partner. You know you're unhappy, and your partner isn't happy either. And that awareness means you are not a hapless, helpless victim — you are a participant. You're actively participating in your misery. You wish things were different but aren't doing anything about it. You hope things will change, but you aren't changing them.
You may ask, "Why is this my responsibility?" Because you are in charge of yourself. Every day you wake up, you have the same choice: Live a life that makes you happy or not. Reach for what you want or not. Create a positive life or not.
So far, your choice is "not," which will never work out long-term. You'll remain stunted, depressed, unhappy, and leading a life that's unfulfilling, empty, and lacking passion. So, is this straight up enough for you?
Are we on the same page yet? Yes? That's good! Anytime someone orchestrates their unhappiness, they need a wake-up call — a proverbial slap in the face.
If you’re wondering what to do now, that means you're shifting your thinking. You are now—perhaps finally—getting out of your way and are ready to make changes that will increase your satisfaction in life and love and get you what you say you want: happiness. It's time to detox your love life; the best way is to be honest with yourself.
Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert best known as the author of the acclaimed relationship book series, The Problem with Women… is Men.