Psychologist Shares The Type Of 'Weakness' That Can Make A Relationship's Bond Stronger
Great relationships are not born, they are made.
People Images via Shutterstock | Canva Do you always feel like a burden to your partner? Like your needs are simply too much for the person you're with? Pretty much everyone has been there, but now a world-famous psychologist suggests your "weakness" might be totally OK. In fact, it can have benefits for your relationship.
Here’s one type of weakness that can make your relationship stronger
According to Dr. Stan Tatkin, founder of the PACT Institute, being a burden to your partner is OK — as long as both partners can be burdensome to one another equally when needed. One cannot help but wonder why you feel like a burden. Whether your behavior is balanced and fair or if your partner is using your natural human sense of need against you.
1. Being a burden to your partner is natural and normal
It might be shocking to hear but relationships are burdensome, and there is no way around it. Dr. Tatkin says, "When we're with somebody and we are depending on that person and they're depending upon us, people become burdens."
A 2016 study shows the impact of trauma on relationships, so you can see how we can become burdensome when our partners help us through our trauma. We become burdensome when they deal with our explosive attitudes or crippling insecurities. But, is this such a bad thing? Dr. Tatkin says, "And I think if we accept this right now, it makes relationships much easier."
If you enter your relationship knowing you'll hurt, annoy, and frustrate each other, it makes things a whole lot easier.
2. Don't cover up imperfections
Don't get it twisted — there is nothing wrong with emotions, insecurities, or arguments. Yet, how we deal with these problems matters.
As psychologist Tamar Chansky explains, "Yes, they may challenge the idea of the perfect love, but getting rid of the pressure could be one of the best things you do for your relationship." But, it's a lot easier said than done.
Most of us have gotten into a habit of covering up our imperfections. But remember covering up imperfection is like using a bandaid to cover up a hole — it won't work. So, here's the truth, embracing imperfection doesn't always have to be such a negative thing. Yet again, it's not so easy.
3. Figure out what burdens you are and aren't willing to put up with
Let's take a look around us. Research on the impact of social media on romantic relationships helps us understrstand how e-magazines, Instagram, and our family's Facebook pages tell us how our relationship should be. But rarely does it show us behind the scenes. Behind the scenes there's a real struggle going on.
Their partner might have a horrible habit of leaving socks on the floor. Or their partner is the clumsiest person you'll ever meet. But in times like these, you need to pick your struggle.
In the words of one of my family members, "You need to figure out what burdens you are and aren't willing to put up with." So, being a burden isn't a horrible thing. Having flaws or faults doesn't make you less deserving of love.
4. Great relationships are not born, they are made
As Chansky says, "So here's my quick elevator pitch: Great relationships are not born, they are made. And they are often made strongest by those imperfect moments that are parlayed not into passion, not immediately anyway, but into a big mess." So, embrace the mess and all the lessons it has to offer.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics