5 Sweet Phrases That Can Turn Your Marriage Around Before It's Too Late
From a relationship expert who gets it.
Just Life / Shutterstock As a relationship expert with over 22 years of experience working with couples, I have seen a great need to help married couples. If you find that your marriage needs some help, there are a few simple phrases that are a surefire way to bring healing to your relationship almost instantly.
Here are 5 phrases that can turn your marriage around:
1. 'I hear you'
All humans — men and women alike — have the need to be heard. When you make a conscious choice to actively listen to your spouse, you will be able to hear what he or she is trying to say to you.
The best way to do this is to shut off your desire to state your point or make it clear, instead choosing to be quiet and listen. When your spouse is done speaking, simply say to him or her, "I hear you."
This simple act will provide your spouse with a great gift. For example, when your spouse says, "I am so stressed out and tired. I am sick of always having to do all the work around the house," you say, "I hear you."
2. 'What I hear you saying is...'
After being heard, we want our thoughts, beliefs, or feelings to be validated. In other words, we want to be understood and respected. So, by simply repeating back to your spouse what they just said, you will accomplish this.
Using the example from above, you would say, "What I hear you saying is that you're stressed, tired, and feeling as if all the work around the house is all your responsibility." This shows your partner that you're trustworthy.
3. 'You're right'
This one is hard for many men and women to say because they feel as if they're losing ground with their partner. But actually, the opposite is true.
When we validate our partner as being "right," it softens their defensive posturing and opens them up to real communication with you.
To continue with the example, you would then say to your spouse, "You're right." The fact is that even if you do not agree at all with them, they are "right," because that is the way he or she feels and perceives the situation.
4. 'I'm sorry'
Again, this one can be difficult for some to say. However, genuinely apologizing to your partner for whatever hurt they may be feeling is crucial in keeping your marriage on the right path.
Additionally research has shown that people who receive apologies from their partners are more willing to forgive them.
So, even if you're 100% right and what your partner is feeling is not your fault, saying you're sorry for them feeling this way leads to great healing in your marriage. As we continue with our example, you would simply say, "I'm sorry you're feeling this way."
5. 'What can I do to help?'
Up to this point, you've heard, validated, and apologized to your spouse, but now it's time for action. Simply say, "What can I do to help?" Then, be quiet and listen, listen, listen! Give your partner your undivided attention as you listen for what they need.
You may need to repeat these five phrases again until your spouse calms down, feels heard, and believes that you truly want to help the situation and them.
Bree Maresca-Kramer is a relationship expert, life coach, and self-help author. Her bylines have appeared on Huffington Post, eHarmony, Women's Day, Fox News, NBC, ABC, NPR, and many more.