11 Phrases A Controlling Man Often Says To The People He Supposedly Loves
Red flags that should send anyone running.
GaudiLab | Shutterstock Have you ever been in a relationship with a man and thought, "This guy is pretty controlling? " Or perhaps you've been hanging out with a guy friend and noticed he displays some pretty strange and possessive behavior.
Most people would chalk it up during these moments to simply overthinking things. Feeling silly, they'll disregard red flags in favor of 'keeping the peace.' However, there are some phrases a controlling man often says to the people he supposedly loves.
From telling them that their emotions aren't that big of a deal and from saying that they're overreacting, controlling men will always make other people believe that they're the crazy ones.
That said, these types of toxic phrases don't just fall on women. Yes, women can always possess them as well! However, if someone has a friend, loved one, or romantic partner in their life and wants to know if he's trustworthy, here are some common phrases they should keep in the back of their head.
The 11 phrases a controlling man often says to the people he supposedly loves:
1. ‘You’re overreacting’
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Listening and trying to relate are important in an argument with a spouse or friend. This is why saying, "You're overreacting," is so harmful.
After all, humans are social creatures with a biological need to feel understood. Not feeling understood or heard can do far more harm than good.
According to a study published in Social Cognitive and Affective, people who feel understood are increasingly likely to feel rewarded and socially connected. On the opposite end, feeling misunderstood can make others feel disconnected, leading to feelings of loneliness. All of this combined can impact their well-being for the better or worse.
That said, flying off the handle and screaming won't make a controlling man suddenly change. Knowing this, people should be weary and sharp when hearing phrases like these muttered. Though unfortunate, he may use this phrase to control and manipulate their emotions.
2. ‘No one else would put up with you’
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Imagine someone is arguing with a spouse and then ask yourself, "What tends to happen next?" Likely, someone might utter a phrase or two that is completely out of pocket.
They'll say how disrespectful their partner is or how frustrated they've been making them feel lately. And though these statements are hurtful, they are statemates that can be worked through.
However, one thing that can't be worked through as easily is statements that come from a place of manipulation or harm. That said, a phrase a controlling man often says to the people he supposedly loves is, "No one else would put up with you."
Now, on the surface, this phrase might not seem like a big deal. People say hurtful things all the time when they're frustrated. Yet, this type of manipulation cuts deep and can leave lasting scars that are hard to heal from.
According to Personal Relationships, experiencing gaslighting in relationships typically leads people to feel more distrustful and to lack a sense of self.
So, if a controlling man ever says this phrase it's best to pack up their bags and leave. Otherwise, they might find themselves in a toxic relationship.
3. ‘You seriously don’t trust me?’
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Most people want to be trusted and needed by those around them. However, a huge phrase a controlling man often says to the people he supposedly loves is, "You seriously don't trust me?"
Understandably, this might seem like a bit of a stretch. After all, maybe he is genuinely offended by someone's lack of faith in him. Yet, someone's lack of trust in him isn't a reflection of them; instead, it's a reflection of him.
According to psychologist Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D., betrayal feels like a moral violation that cuts people deep and causes emotional distress. As a result, it's not always easy to get through.
Additionally, trust is earned, not taken. This is why uttering "You seriously don't trust me" is so manipulative. In truth, it makes the other person feel guilty and forced to forgive, even if they're not ready to.
4. ‘That never happened’
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Most people can recall a moment in time when their parents did something messed up. Maybe they stole their birthday money or embarrassed them in front of their friends.
Most would agree that this type of behavior is a great disrespect, however, the disrespect is only made worse when parents fire back with, "That never happened."Not only is it a disrespect to the trauma that child went through, but it's also just plain false.
That said, a controlling man often tells the exact phrase to the people he loves. Looking his friend, partner, or loved one in the eye, he'll proudly say that it never happened with such conviction it'd make anyone question their reality.
This is dangerous, as the Middle Georgia State University cited that people exposed to gaslighting tended to doubt their memories, thoughts, and behaviors, causing psychological and emotional trauma.
So, the next time someone hears a controlling man utter this phrase, they should do themselves a favor and run for the hills. Not only are they gaslighting people, but they're causing extreme turmoil in the process.
5. ‘You’re too sensitive’
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Highly manipulative and controlling people constantly undermine others' emotions to deflect from their bad behavior. Given this, people shouldn't be too shocked that one phrase a controlling man often says to the people he supposedly loves is, "You're too sensitive."
According to a study in 2022, a form of unfair treatment in a relationship involves coercive control. According to this study, coercive control is negative behavior that involves intimidating, threatening, or humiliating.
Researchers found that this type of abuse is psychological and emotionally manipulative. As a result, "You're too sensitive," can count as coercive control.
So, what should people do when a controlling man tries to undermine their emotions? According to Mark Travers Ph.D., people must think before they respond. He continued that receiving emotional invalidation might trigger someone's fight-or-flight response. Due to this, it's best to calm those knee-jerk reactions before responding.
Next, say, "I think my feelings are being invalidated right now." Using "I" statements makes the other person feel less defensive.
Finally, kick that person to the curb and validate their emotions instead when all else fails. According to Travers, "While it’s normal to want to be understood, you can’t always depend on others to validate who you are, what you believe in, and how you feel." This is why people need to validate their own emotions instead.
RELATED: 12 Types Of Women Who Make Very Bad Partners
6. ‘Everyone else agrees with me’
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Most people would prefer to keep their disagreements with their partners private. After all, involving others can only worsen the situation, as biases can arise.
However, a controlling man isn't like everyone else. He welcomes those biased opinions because they work out in his favor. As a result, a phrase a controlling man often says to the people he supposedly loves is, "Everyone else agrees with me."
This statement is meant to make the other person feel guilty and embarrassed. Because of this, people are increasingly likely to submit their own needs to the wind to play fair and prevent the drama from escalating further.
Unfortunately, this won't work out for them in the long run. Constantly pushing back their feelings will only bring forth feelings of contempt. And according to the Gottman Insitute, contempt is the leading cause of divorce and separation.
7. ‘Let’s forgive and forget’
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It's easy for people to move past things when the actions of others do not directly impact them. This is why a controlling man often says, "Let's forgive and forget."
He did nothing wrong in his eyes, and it's not that big of a deal. Yet, this type of dismissive behavior will only lead to disaster the longer he refuses to learn from his mistakes.
The reality is that people who turn the other cheek and don't take accountability will permanently stunt their growth and, as a result, limit their potential in the long run. Yet, this isn't shocking, considering most controlling men tend to be complete narcissists.
And according to the Journal of Management, narcissistic people are increasingly likely not to learn because they genuinely believe they didn't make a mistake.
This is why it's best not to argue with a man who can never admit he's wrong. After all, he'll never be able to unless he tries to do some serious self-reflection.
8. ‘If you really loved me you would do this’
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Some people have boundaries that can't be crossed. For one person, these boundaries can involve physical ones. For example, they may not like being hugged or find physical displays of affection extremely uncomfortable.
For example, they may not feel comfortable sharing personal information or discussing family drama.
Regardless, people who refuse to respect those boundaries don't care about the person in question. Wanting to satiate their desires, they'll bypass any lines if it means getting what they want.
Knowing this, any controlling man who says to the people he supposedly loves, "If you really love me, you would do this." has got to go.
Once again, he has zero respect for that person and is likely using this phrase to manipulate them completely into doing something dangerous or uncomfortable. Don't feel too bad about cutting this person off or stopping them in their tracks.
Saying, "No, you're not going to manipulate me into giving up my boundaries," is sometimes the quickest way to put controlling men in their place.
9. ‘This is how you treat me after everything I’ve done for you?’
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When people hear the phrase, "This is how you treat me after everything I've done for you," they likely get flashbacks to their parents or other family members.
In the past, these individuals didn't understand that doing the bare minimum of what was required didn't make them entitled to disrespect others. As a result, they likely severely damaged those relationships without fully understanding the reason why.
In the same sense, a controlling man who often says this to the people he supposedly loves doesn't understand the consequences of his words.
Sure, he might've done a lot for others. However, rubbing it in or using it to control others won't end well. People will likely begin to feel demeaned and frustrated with their lack of care, causing them to distance themselves from the controlling man in question slowly.
10. ‘Stop bringing up the past’
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The past can be hard to get through, primarily if someone ruminates. According to a study in 2021 cited that people who engage in induced rumination tend to have negative thinking, poor problem-solving, and biased information processing. Additionally, rumination, in general, can lead to depression, PTSD, anxiety, and so much more.
Despite this, people can move on if they have a support system that encourages open communication. However, people can never have that support system if they still allow a controlling man into their lives.
It's sad, but a controlling man will often tell the people he supposedly loves to stop mentioning the past. This is probably because mentioning the past means mentioning his past mistakes, which would never work out in his favor.
Knowing this, people who have a controlling man in their lives should think twice before allowing him to shut down their feelings. Though he might be trying to keep the peace for their loved ones' sake, he is more likely to want them to not realize how badly he messed up and hurt them.
11. ‘You’re lucky to have me in your life’
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Finally, most people are fortunate to have someone in their lives. Whether that person is a friend, family member, or coworker, there will always be that special person with a special place in their heart.
That said, a controlling man often says, "You're lucky to have me in your life," to manipulate and gaslight the people he supposedly loves.
On the surface, this might sound like an ill-intended comment or a 'factual statement.' However, saying this phrase gives other people the vibe that they can't live without this controlling man. As a result, relationships with a controlling man can quickly become dangerous if statements like these aren't addressed.
In truth, it can lead to people staying in toxic relationships because they genuinely believe that they owe this man their life.
To avoid this, people should call out their statements and use 'I statements, ' such as, "I don't like that comment; please stop." However, if that doesn't work, people should cut their losses and move on before it's far too late.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers topics such as self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.