Therapist Identifies 7 Distinct Patterns Of Couples Who Live Happily Together Forever
Spoiler alert: "Never fight" isn't on the list.
vorDa / Getty Images Signature via Canva We often hear that making a relationship last requires hard work and dedication. But if we are being honest, this isn't the most helpful advice. It isn't specific or detailed enough.
So, what steps do we take and what do we need to focus on to get our relationship back on track?
How do we truly make a relationship last? Dr. Nicole LePera is a holistic psychologist who's well known for sharing self-healing tips.
In a guest appearance on "The School of Greatness" podcast with bestselling author Lewis Howes, she shared seven things you can implement to make your relationship last.
7 Distinct Patterns A Therapist Sees In Couples Who Live Happily Together Forever
1. Setting boundaries with family.
Whether it be the family member who ignores the expectant mother at the baby shower or the family member who tries to upstage the couple on their wedding day — having no boundaries is a disaster waiting to happen. This type of toxic behavior is bound to cause toxicity within your relationship if not dealt with.
Relationships that have clear-cut boundaries when it comes to family members tend to last the longest.
LePera says, "They didn't vent to them (their families) about issues or make decisions based on what their families wanted." Instead, the two partners consistently did what was best for the relationship and it paid off beautifully.
2. Being best friends.
Finding a best friend in your partner is a beautiful thing, and according to LePera, it's a great foundation for a lasting relationship.
To back this up, marriage and family therapist Staci Lee Schnell writes, “Research has shown that couples that have a great friendship have a higher percentage overall of marital satisfaction.”
And when we observe this theory, it becomes clear why it positively impacts our relationships.
According to Schnell, these couples look forward to spending quality time together and have a genuine liking for each other. Due to being one another's favorite people, they unconsciously want to engage in their favorite activities with one another.
This sort of engagement helps develop their connection and make their bond stronger — which is ideal for keeping a relationship going.
3. Making it through really dark times.
Nobody wishes for hard times. But lucky for us, these hard times with our partners may just pay off.
LePera states that couples who go through rough chapters of life and choose to work through it together have established trust in each other. And as we know, trust is the foundation for any long-term relationship.
Though disagreements are hard, these struggles are sometimes just what you need to make your relationship last longer and become stronger.
4. Letting each other be themselves.
According to Live Science, a study was conducted that involved 62 heterosexual couples who were all college students. Through questionnaire collection, researchers wanted to see how people’s ability to stay true to themselves, impacted their relationships.
“Overall, men and women who reported being more true to themselves also behaved in more intimate and less destructive ways with their partner," writes Live Science. They continued that these relationships tended to be more positive and had greater well-being.
5. Having difficult conversations.
Communication is the foundation for any relationship, but it can be challenging. Amid an argument, you can easily become angry and frustrated with your partner.
But more than that, you become scared to hurt or offend your partner's feelings.
However, LePera states that couples who are open to communication tend to have long-lasting relationships. She says, “They didn’t cope by avoiding or denying. Emotional regulation was present, so conversations rarely became explosions.”
So it's worth it to have conversations that make you uncomfortable.
6. Fighting strategically.
Arguments are bound to happen from time to time.
As LePera puts it, “They (couples) got on each other’s nerves, they fought and were frustrated with each other at times. But they knew how to navigate conflict, bounce back, and move forward.”
According to the Kansas City Relationship Institute, there are three ways arguments can help strengthen your relationship:
- Better understanding of your wants and desires in your relationship.
- Helps to identify potential concerns that need to be addressed in your relationship.
- Having greater understanding, trust, and connection with your partner.
7. Making light of each other’s quirks.
The best feeling in the world is knowing you are fully embraced by your loved ones.
And as LePera puts it — couples who acknowledge one another’s quirks and make light of them tend to have longer-lasting relationships. Even when their partner's quirks were annoying, these partners always kept it fun and were never hyper-critical, LePera says.
And though it may be hard to put away your annoyance, your relationship will thank you for it in the long run.
Use these seven insights as a road map for your relationship, and you'll be on your way to becoming one of these elusive couples who make it last.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.