If Your Partner Does These 6 Things, Psychology Says They Simply Don't Respect You
Respect is the foundation of a healthy partnership.
BongkarnThanyakij | Canva Disrespect in relationships isn’t simply a matter of “not being nice.” It’s a subtle, often unconscious, erosion of trust and equality. At its core, it reflects a sense of imbalance, where one partner feels undervalued, unheard, or even disregarded.
A person who doesn't respect their partner is emotionally distant, uncommunicative, and feels like a burden to be around. You wonder what his problem is, and he doesn't want to discuss it. Where do you turn next?
If your partner does these things, they simply don't respect you:
1. They withhold intimacy
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Maintaining a healthy relationship is a shared responsibility of the couple, and they need to customize and curate a personalized love language that works for them.
Intimacy, both emotionally and physically, is essential to many relationships. Withholding them out of spite or as a kind of punishment can cause a husband to feel unwelcome and withdraw themselves.
— Sidhharrth S Kumaar, Astro Numerologist
2. They don't respect your individuality
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While it's normal for a pair to become one, it might be harmful to integrate your identity with that of your spouse. Keeping up your interests, friendships, and pastimes makes you both fascinating and makes your partnership more dynamic.
— Sidhharrth S Kumaar, Astro Numerologist
2018 research indicated that losing your individuality in a relationship, often referred to as identity eclipsing, can stem from a pattern of excessive accommodation, where one partner sacrifices their needs and desires to please the other, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction, decreased attraction, and potential relationship distress.
3. They become martyrs
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Partners who sacrifice their individuality for the sake of their relationships do more harm than good. Men may think they want a woman who is 100% dedicated to their needs.
But in reality, this causes men to lose interest in their wives. Instead, women would be wise to continue to grow and develop in the areas that interest them.
Even if this initially causes conflict, standing up for yourself to carve time to pursue the intellectual, artistic, international, and cultural areas that inspire you — will ultimately benefit your marriage (or if not, then it might be time to end that marriage). Having interests keeps you interested and is key to a thriving relationship where both people are inspired by their interests.
— Jennifer Hargrave, Owner & Divorce Attorney, Hargrave Family Law
4. They ignore you
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All communication stems from a deep desire to connect. When an attempt to connect is ignored or returned with harshness, this results in what John Gottman, a psychologist and researcher from the University of Washington, calls "rejected bids."
According to Gottman, rejected bids may be one reason for marital conflict. Humanity has a deep desire to connect and we reach out to offer a "bid" of connection, and then the "bid" is either accepted or rejected.
Humans need 85% of accepted bids to feel connected. Do you ignore bids of connection because you’re distracted by smartphones, iPads, and other electronics? How do you respond to the bids — with warmth and a smile or with a sneer and a smirk?
— Joan Nosal, Personal Development Coach
Being ignored can lead to significant negative emotions, including feelings of rejection, low self-esteem, anxiety, anger, and even depression, often stemming from the perception of a lack of value or importance within the relationship.
An early study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found this is particularly impactful when the ignoring behavior is a pattern known as stonewalling, which can be highly damaging to the relationship dynamic.
5. They are quick to jealousy
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Jealousy often stems from feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. If you compare yourself to others and feel you fall short, it can trigger jealous feelings.
Jealousy can arise from a fear of losing something important to you, be it a relationship, friendship, or status. According to a 2023 analysis, while a moderate level of jealousy can sometimes be considered normal within a relationship, excessive jealousy can be detrimental and lead to relationship issues if not appropriately addressed.
6. They take you for granted
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One significant error anyone in a relationship might make, which can drive their partners away, is taking someone for granted. When the initial spark of a relationship begins to settle into the routine of daily life, it's easy to forget to appreciate the little things that make a relationship special.
Over time, this lack of appreciation and acknowledgment can create a divide. Partners may feel undervalued and invisible, leading to feelings of disconnect.
— Clare Waismann, M-RAS/SUDCC II Waismann Method and Domus Retreat Founder
Feeling taken for granted by a partner is strongly linked to decreased relationship satisfaction. A 2020 study showed that individuals who perceive their partner as not appreciating their efforts often report lower levels of happiness and commitment in the relationship.
There you go. Now you know what you do that makes things worse in your marriage. Remember, maintaining a relationship is a shared responsibility to yourself and your spouse.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.