5 Painfully Honest Reasons Why You Haven't Found Your Soulmate Yet
If you want love so badly, then why haven't you been able to find it?
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock Dating can be a lot of fun, but when you're ready to learn how to find your soulmate and fall in love, meeting lots of people doesn't have quite the same appeal.
If you've been looking for true love and not having any luck, there are some deep questions to ask yourself that can help you evaluate what you want in a soul-connected relationship with 'the one' — and why you haven't found them yet.
The painfully honest reasons why you haven't found your soulmate:
1. You're not emotionally ready to start a soulmate relationship right now.
Are you seeking a relationship because it’s truly what you desire or because it’s what society says you should have? Do you feel left out because your friends are all married and having children and you’re still alone? Are you still recovering from a breakup? Or, are you really enjoying your freedom and having a blast meeting and dating different people?
It's important to be clear about what you truly desire when it comes to having a relationship. Knowing what you want allows you to communicate when you’re meeting new people. Just make sure to honor your needs, especially if you want to find your soulmate.
2. You judge yourself too harshly.
When you judge someone, you are not loving them. The opposite of love is not hate; it is judgment. You can’t love someone and judge them at the same time — and this goes for how you view yourself, too.
How much judgment do you have about yourself? Do you have any judgments about your body or your looks? Do you judge your job, or your level of intelligence? What about any judgments about the kind of partner you’ll be? Do you judge yourself for not having found your soulmate yet? Write them all down.
What are some of the judgments that you have about the people you want to be with? Write them down, too.
Do they always leave? Are they too intimidating? Do you think all the good ones are already taken?
When you become aware of the judgments that you have about yourself or the people you're dating, you can acknowledge that they are just judgments and you can replace them with truth statements. For example, if you’re judging your body, the truth statement you can replace it with is, "I know that my soulmate loves and adores my body exactly as it is." Keep reciting your truth statements every time you catch yourself in a moment of judgment.
3. You're not showing people your true self.
When dating or in a relationship, you’re encouraged to just be yourself. Yet, how many people truly are themselves in their relationships? Have you ever been aware of separating parts of yourself to be in a relationship?
I have. I’ve cut off and sacrificed, parts of my values, my beliefs, and my body (not literally, of course) to be in a relationship with a man who I thought was my soulmate. I even cut off my own happiness, in order to make him happy.
Many women come from a long line of 'people pleasers' who have traditionally been taught to sacrifice their wants and needs for their husband’s and family’s wants and needs. What would it be like to be in a soulmate relationship where you don’t have to separate from yourself to be with another?
When you become aware of the ways that you’ve been separating from yourself, you can make a different choice. It may not shift overnight. But the more times you catch yourself, the more times you’ll make a different choice — and the easier it will become.
4. You don't know the difference between being 'in love' and 'loving' someone.
Love is our natural, authentic state of being. However, when you decide that you are in love with someone, you often have expectations of them to meet your needs. If you're in love with someone and they're in love with you too, then you’ve obtained your goal of falling in love. But the love you have is already within you, so you can’t get it from anyone else anyway — even your soulmate. It just gets activated by others.
Loving, on the other hand, is an ongoing action and a state of gratitude. Loving allows for awareness, joy, and possibility. When you are loving your partner, you are consciously choosing to show them the love you have, that you care for them, and that you’re willing to nurture them and the relationship.
5. You've built up a wall to protect yourself.
So many people have underlying feelings of conflict towards the opposite gender that keep them from finding their soulmate. Some women feel that they are in constant competition to prove that they’re just as good, if not better than their male counterparts. Others feel that they are helpless or dependent when it comes to men. They may feel that they need to exert power around men or control their men.
If you experience any of these feelings, you are not allowing for a true, authentic soul-level connection to develop. You have a wall of protection up that doesn't allow for someone to truly get close to you. You are not available to truly receive from them.
Everyone tends to put walls up as a way to "protect themselves". But when your walls are up, you’re not authentically available to your soulmate. You’re busy hiding behind the fear, doubt, or worry that is keeping you separate from another.
In order to shift this, you need to see the person you're dating as an equal — a human who wants and needs to be loved, appreciated, and respected.
The more self-aware you become — and truly show up in the world as your whole self — the more magnetic you’ll be, especially to your soulmate. You have everything you need in order to find your soulmate. Be grateful for where you are in your life now. Your soulmate will come as soon as you're truly ready for t.hem
Kelly Ann Garnett is a certified love attraction coach, certified life coach, spiritual psychologist, and educator for women looking for their soulmate. Her bylines have appeared in TIME and The Mind's Journal, as well as other websites.