4 Painfully Common Reasons Good Women Can't Hold Onto A Good Guy
Where are all the good men?
Jacob Lund | Canva How often have you heard a woman (you?) state, with a sigh, that all the good men are taken? How often do you think you know how to attract men, but then fail time after time?
Women believe they are the only ones who are experiencing that, but what’s going on here? If you're attracting less than great men into your life, it’s likely got more to do with you than them. So, to help you learn how to get a guy to like you and start going on more dates, this is the dating advice to follow. Because it's these four reasons you can't find or keep a good guy.
Here are 4 painfully common reasons good women can't hold onto a good guy:
1. You get what you expect
Finish this sentence: "Men are (fill in the blank)." Just say or write everything that goes through your mind. If things like “men are lazy and selfish” “men can't be trusted” or "men only want younger, model-type women” are the types of thoughts you had, I’d bet that the type of men you’ve been attracting pretty much match what you’ve been expecting.
The good news? You know how to manifest what you expect. Your job now is to change what you expect, so you can change what you get.
2. You focus on all the wrong things
Do you and your friends complain about the men you know, whether you're dating them or know them in other ways? Do you and your friends and colleagues send and receive male-bashing jokes? Do you watch TV shows that bash men and portray them as useless and stupid? (And those awful portrayals of men are everywhere!)
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All of these things focus your attention on what you don't want in your ideal mate. You may have already come across this bit of wisdom somewhere else in your life: you tend to get what you focus on.
3. You aren't clear about what you want
Are you clear about your values, your life vision, and what you want from a lifetime partner? If you haven't taken the time to do the inner work to figure out what you truly want and need, you'll find yourself settling for something else.
4. You try to fill a void
Regardless of the messages in all the romance novels and movies out there, a man cannot “complete you” or fill a void in you. In other words, if you don't feel whole, you'll attract men who don't feel whole. Research from Boston University puts it that we attract what we are, and if that's not being emotionally available, guess what your date is going to be.
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It’s not always easy to tell with men; their lack of wholeness may not look like it does for you. (For instance, you may come across as though you don’t need anything, and he may bend over backward to make you happy. Two sides of the same coin.)
Put this saying somewhere that you can find again (and again) because it’s so important to keep in mind: "We attract who we are, not who we want."
If you want to learn where you are in your life, take a good look at who you’ve attracted; your mirror is there.
Accept what you see as the truth right now, and know that from that place you’ll be able to do something about it. You can’t change what you’re not aware of. Keep in mind the old and very powerful saying: “The truth shall set you free.”
You may be thinking to yourself that tackling these four things will take you a lifetime to address. Take heart. Just take the first step: awareness; I always say that’s half the battle right there.
You're gonna date some jerks, and I hate to say it, but you're gonna date a lot of them, and you're gonna wonder where the good men are. They're out there, but they're rare. Why you may ask? Research from The Institute for Family Studies shows it could be because of a lack of guidance, with more churches and schools being shut down, or the new dating culture that rewards men who have a lack of commitment.
So in the meantime, remember to be gentle with yourself as you take your next steps toward changing your negative expectations about men, shifting the way you talk about them with others, getting clear on what you want in a man, and feeling whole and complete just as you are.
Karen Jones is a dating coach, mentor, relationship coach, speaker, and presenter.