There's Only One Thing Men Want More Than Sex
Giving your lover what they want doesn't have to be a challenge.
Annushka Ahuja, PIKSEL, Karolina Grabowska | Canva I want to share something very personal with you. I love sex. I love a woman who is self-aware and in charge. I love a woman who can push the limits with me, turn me on, and become my equal.
I love a woman whose creativity blows me away so much that I can't stop thinking about her all day. I love women who surprise me with brazen and daring ideas.
This is the woman I can imagine being with for a long time. But, even though men love sex, it's not enough.
I was in a relationship recently that didn't work because of this. I was with this great woman. She was beautiful, sexy, nurturing, loving, and amazing in bed. But, she was also emotionally unstable. Every day was a challenge. Not for me, but for her. She'd wake up and feel like her entire life was falling apart. So what would I do every morning? I'd spend hours every day talking her up, showing her how beautiful life can be, and most importantly, how to embrace the small wins and positive moments.
What would happen if I wasn't with her for a few hours? Her life would spiral out of control. This would happen day in and day out. She's an amazing, beautiful woman, just as you are. But, she couldn't see the bigger picture. She couldn't embrace the little wins in life nor acknowledge how great she was. If you can't do that, it doesn't matter how good you are in bed.
Does any of this sound familiar?
You meet a great man. You capture his heart. You capture his soul. You rock in the bedroom. But you can't go any further than three to six months with him before the relationship falls apart, and he ends up breaking it off like all the other guys do.
Does this happen to you regularly? It's frustrating, isn’t it?
It's frustrating for the guy, too, because when he meets you, he wants nothing more than for the two of you to get on. He wants to spend time with you. He wants amazing things to happen for you both. He's your biggest fan. He believes in you more than anyone, but he can't be your emotional crutch.
After three to six months, you've worn him out emotionally. He can't do it anymore. He can't keep rallying you every day. It takes away from his life. It's draining. He starts to feel your pain because he loves you and wants you to be happy.
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Self-destructive behavior ruins relationships.
You need to work on yourself and your happiness. I'm sure you've read the books, and maybe even you've gone to therapy. But how many of you have quit when the going got tough?
You see, I truly believe every single one of you can have the life (and the partner) you want. You can experience the love you need, want, desire, and deserve. You can end this negative dating cycle. You can end the frustration of being with a great man for three to six months until the whole thing comes crashing around you.
Your true self is that beautiful, loving, incredible woman the man sees and believes in. But you need to start seeing it too. You need to be able to embrace that. You need to take the steps to work on yourself. The steps might be challenging, but you can form new habits in 30 days. It doesn't take as long as you think.
Think about the last few relationships you've had. Look at what each man has taught you, and then say to yourself, "I can already attract beautiful men. I need to work on myself so I can avoid making the same mistakes that cost me those relationships. I need to learn the lessons and celebrate small wins every day."
Remind yourself how beautiful you and life are every day.
You have to look at yourself and acknowledge how beautiful YOU are. You become ready for the next guy when you start changing your beliefs. You'll be in love with yourself, and that's the key.
And this time, you'll hang on to the guy. You'll break through the magical six-month barrier and beyond. But you have to do the work. I'd have loved to have stayed with the woman I was dating. She was amazing. She was everything I wanted in a woman. I can't be someone's emotional rock every single day. I can do it healthily, but not once does it affect my life. Men can't be with a woman they have to constantly build up and motivate.
If you struggle with these self-destructive behaviors, I urge you to get yourself help. Do the work. Take the steps you need to take. I know you can do it. Sure, it might be tough, but guess what's going to happen once you get back out there?
Your beauty, your sexuality, and your essence are going to shine, and you're going to attract another amazing man. I believe in you. But you have to start believing in yourself.
David Wygant is a dating coach who spent the past 20 years helping men and women transform their love lives. As a lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post, his advice has been offered across television, newspapers, and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.