7 Reasons Online Dating Doesn't Work For Some & How To Turn It Around
Why some people struggle with the apps and the little changes that can help.
Ilona Kozhevnikova | Shutterstock Online dating can be frustrating! I see the trials and tribulations that my clients go through. (Plus, my personal experience way back when!) I want to share my reasons online dating doesn’t work and how you can create a more positive online dating experience for yourself as you search for true love! How does that sound?
You see, over 80% of my successfully coupled clients over the last 20 years have met through an online dating site. Of course, when clients come to me, they say, “Online dating doesn’t work for me.”
My response is, “Not, yet! However, it can work with these tweaks.”
Here are 7 reasons online dating doesn't work & how you can turn it around
1. Your profile doesn’t reflect who you truly are
Is your profile authentically representing you? Sometimes, we oversell ourselves or put in what we think people want to see. We try to be too cute or debonair. That never works.
Research supports the importance of making sure your profile reflects your authentic self: your life goals, values, and those things that are most important to you. Then, you’ll start attracting a more aligned person who’ll appreciate you.
2. Your pictures are not that flattering
I can’t tell you how many times I see photos of my clients and I think to myself, “What were you thinking when you posted those photos?!” I’m much more diplomatic than that, of course.
I’ve seen photos of my clients in baggy shorts and bathroom selfies that are not flattering. Take care with the photos you choose.
Invest in professional photos taken by an online dating photographer. It will make a difference.
3. You didn’t take the time and care to present yourself well
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Some profiles have very little content in them. If you don’t have enough content in your profile, it’s hard to tell what you’re all about. Sure, you might fill out the basics, but you haven’t gone deeper into what’s special about you and who is the perfect person for you.
Maybe you didn’t even fill out the basic information such as their relationship status and profession. If this is a mistake you’ve made, I want you to think about this question:
How can anyone decide if you’re the right kind of person for them, if you don’t tell them something about who you are?
4. The language in your profile is demanding and off-putting
It’s always off-putting to see what I call demanding language. “He must do this and must do that.” No one needs to do anything if they don’t want to. So, watch how you express yourself. Make sure it’s positive and more like a request than a demand. In this way, you’ll seem more flexible and open-minded.
5. You’re not reaching out to people of interest. You’re waiting for people to contact you
Yes, in a perfect world, the right person would reach out to you. And ladies, let’s not stand on ceremony here. How about you be the “chooser?”
Men do appreciate when women reach out to them. They’ll be flattered. So being reactive and not proactive is possibly one reason why online dating doesn’t work for you, as reinforced by a study on strategies for inline dating.
6. You’re not following up in a timely fashion. The gaps between messaging are too long
When someone is interested, timing is critical. If you’re waiting more than a couple of days to respond, then the other person may be more interested in someone more responsive. You may miss the opportunity to develop something lasting.
However, if you vow to stay on top of things and respond promptly, you’ll keep the conversation going. And, you’ll have a better chance of moving the relationship to the next stage which is usually having a phone call or video meet and greet.
7. You don’t get beyond messaging (texting)
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I see many of my clients who message back and forth and never get asked out. If you’re a woman, I'm sure you’d like the man to initiate the next step: Meeting via video chat or in person.
Remember, you don’t want to be someone’s pen pal! Research on digital dating suggests to set a time frame and several times back and forth you’re willing to put your energy towards.
Then take the next step that’s right for you. If it doesn’t happen, you’ll have to make a decision — to move on to someone more available.
Most likely it’s one or more of these 7 reasons why online dating doesn’t work for you. If you start implementing these strategies, you’ll surely see better results in getting to that first date.
I seem to have a knack for helping my clients attract better-quality people, especially through online dating. Often just the right person shows up for them.
Amy Schoen is a D.C.-based national expert in dating and relationship coaching who's helped countless couples find love.