18 Old-Timey Rules For A Flawless First Date
First date advice from the old days.
SolStock | Canva Let's face it, if you aren't nervous before a first date, you probably don't have a pulse. There's so much pressure. What if they don’t like you? What if you don't like them? What if you say the wrong thing?
It can seem like dating nowadays is hopeless. You're not the only one who feels that way. According to a study from Tinder, 91% of the women and 94% agree that dating has become more difficult over the years.
Sure, you've been hitting it off over email and phone, but a face-to-face encounter is another ball of wax. Take these tips from relationship experts Jenn Burton and Dina Colada to ensure your next first date goes flawlessly.
Here are 18 old-timey rules for a flawless first date:
1. Make the necessary safety precautions.
It is absolutely necessary to take your own ride to a first date with an online suitor. Also, make sure that someone knows where you are and who you are on a date with. Give your friend your date's phone number and email address. —Jenn Burton
2. Be upfront about who you are and what you like.
When your date asks where you’d like to go, don't say "wherever you like." Tell them where you'd like them to take you. Sharing one small suggestion like where to go on a date gives them a clue about how to adore you. It also takes an enormous pressure off of them. —Jenn Burton
3. Do something fun together.
Long-term attraction is determined by how much fun he has with you ... but here's the catch: it's not just about what he thinks is a great time. He also wants to know what lights you up.
A great idea for a first date is an activity date, like rock wall climbing, an amusement park, an outdoor concert, batting cages, billiards, or bowling. Toss aside the standard dinner and movies. Instead, ease the tension and increase conversation by inviting them to something you love or have been dying to try. —Jenn Burton
4. Wear something you feel comfortable in.
Wear something you feel comfortable and pretty in. Make sure your outfit makes you feel fabulous but doesn't render your night miserable because you’re adjusting it the whole time. Wear clothes that fit you and flatter your curves. Dressing like you just woke up isn't attractive. —Jenn Burton
5. Give your date your undivided attention.
Not every first date you have will be an immediate chemistry connection, but chemistry can develop over time. Don't count them out just yet. Give them the whole date with your full attention to pique your interest.
Start by turning your cell phone off. Pay attention to them. Everyone has something attractive about them, and chemistry is more likely to develop when you quit obsessing over everything you think is wrong with them and find out what is right. —Jenn Burton
6. Try to keep things light, fun and flirty.
Being playful and fun is a huge plus because they start to feel good around you. People love fun banter, but keep the teasing to a minimum. Also, don't be afraid to disagree with them. A little argument can stir up the romantic tension. —Jenn Burton
7. Don't reveal too much too fast.
You've got a lifetime to get to know your date. They don’t need every detail of your past the first time you meet. "But Jenn," you say, "they should accept me the way I am."
They will ... if you give them a couple of dates to warm up first. So take your time to reveal your inner weavings. You are a fun mystery to be unfolded. —Jenn Burton
8. Let them pay if they offer.
If they would like to pay for the date, let them. There is no obligation beyond a date just because they offered to pay and you accepted. —Jenn Burton
9. Don't drink too much alcohol.
Also, keep it in a public place if you have no intention of having an intimate encounter. There's nothing less attractive than a drunk date ... except regret. —Jenn Burton
10. Thank them for the date.
Let them know you appreciate them taking you on such a fun date. It will open the door to asking you out again. Another reason to want to say thank you? According to research by Sara Algoe of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, gratitude can increase your health and happiness. —Jenn Burton
11. Be open and vulnerable with them.
Don't show up to the date in a streaker-style black trench coat with nothing but a garter belt and stockings underneath. Let your first date get acquainted with vulnerable you with your clothes on. Be your sweet, open, carefree self. —Dina Colada
12. Enjoy the moment.
Be present with your date. Don't pick out wedding invitations while they’re picking up the check. Your date deserves your full attention.
Keep the smartphone in your purse and don't even think about checking your social media notifications. You’re here to get to know each other. You deserve good eye contact and total awareness of each other. —Dina Colada
13. Don't pretend to be someone you're not.
Don't pretend to be someone who you think your date will like. When they talk, don't sit there like a dummy. Respond to them like anyone else but with more inviting body language. Participate in the conversation and listen. —Dina Colada
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14. Communicate, but don't educate.
Don't ambush your date with facts to show them how smart you are. They don’t want to hear the detailed science behind your favorite running shoes or get a play-by-play of your grandmother's hip surgery. Keep it fun and flirty on your first date. —Dina Colada
15. Leave the drama at the door (especially about your ex).
Talking about the bad break-up you had with your ex-fiancé of ten years is not a good conversation to bring up on the first date. Nor is your obsession with the genius of FOX News or Democracy Now.
Unless you’re running for state senate or are the head of a political campaign, leave those topics for later. —Dina Colada
16. Don't overanalyze the experience.
Connecting with your date over drinks and then over-analyzing it in the bathroom will get you nowhere fast. When you tune in to your heart, instead of your mind, you will be your true self and the conversations will flow.
You will be connecting with their essence, not their brain. Besides, do you know anyone besides Steve Martin who has been in love with a brain? —Dina Colada
17. Recognize the behaviors that indicate they're interested in you.
When your date chooses a great restaurant, let them know you love it. When they hold your arm while walking, check in with yourself. If what they're doing feels good, tell them.
People love to hear what they are doing right. In my studies of thousands of online profiles, almost every single man chose appreciation over trust in a poll, so give it to them. —Dina Colada
18. Trust your judgment.
Trusting yourself is key to getting that second date if there is to be one. Listen to your intuition. —Dina Colada
Jenn Burton is a writer, and host of the Single Smart Female podcast, for smart, and successful single women all around the world.
Dina Colada is an author, speaker, and dating coach who specializes in helping single women navigate the modern world of online dating. Her work has appeared on sites like Prevention, MSN, Women’s Health, Plenty of Fish, and Zoosk.