The #1 Rule We Keep In The Bedroom For A Good Marriage
Being in bed with your spouse is supposed to feel sexy.
Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels By Thien-Kim Lam
I recently joined the yoga pants club. Not the one where I actually go to a yoga class, but the club with moms who wear them for school pick-up and drop-off, and during our various errands.
Yoga pants are ridiculously comfortable. However, one thing I will not do is wear them in our bed. I wore them all day, doing everything under the sun, why would I bring all that filth into the bed?
But aside from yoga pants, there's one more thing I refuse to wear to bed, and it's the number one rule couples should abide by to keep their marriage strong: no footie pajamas and gigantic t-shirts!
The last time I wore footie pajamas I still believed in Santa Claus. I get that they’re warm and cozy, like a newborn swaddled up like a baby burrito. They’re just not sexy. And in bed, where couples get the juices flowing, so to speak, there's no magic when the pajamas are completely unsexy and unflattering.
Well, they might come in handy if they have that little flap in the back. Easy access, after all. But still. No flap in your pajamas can ignite passion between you and your husband.
Before kids, I slept in those short, silky soft negligees. Sometimes, I slept in less. Not only was it comfortable, but I enjoyed the intimacy of spooning with my husband with as much skin contact as possible.
I didn't have to worry about where my clothes were thrown or if I needed to quickly put on an old shirt from college with gross pajama pants, not knowing the last time either was washed.
Instead, I could move around easily in bed, soaking in the skin-to-skin contact that's so important to a relationship.
But after our daughter was born, those skimpy negligees were shoved in the back of my delicates drawer. By the time I pulled them back out, my post-baby weight was no match for those sexy underthings.
My youngest still sneaks into our bed in the wee hours of the morning, so it’s not really practical to sleep in short, silky things anymore.
I wish I could channel "Mad Men’s" Betty Draper with my sleepwear. How many times have I woken up at 1 a.m. because my kids weren’t feeling well? Try cleaning your child’s vomit from silk or chiffon. Nope, not going to happen.
Now I sleep in comfy cotton and knit nightgowns. My only rule is that they’re not baggy or too long. And it's a rule that has made mine and my husband's marriage that much stronger.
I’ve been with my husband for 17 years now. While there’s not much mystery between us anymore, it’s important that I make an attempt to be me when I snuggle under the covers of our bed, instead of just being the mother of his children.
Because while he still finds me incredibly attractive and our love is powerful, those footie pajamas can instantly throw a wrench into it. When I wear those pajamas, he cannot see beyond the messiness of being a mother and a parent, and I want him to see me as so much more.
So, to all the couples out there wanting to boost intimacy, ditch the unsexy pajamas. Instead, wear something to bed that's not only comfortable, but something that makes you feel sexy when you're snuggled up together.
Thien-Kim Lam is a writer, sex educator, and author of "Happy Endings" and "Full Exposure." She's the founder of Bawdy Bookworms, a subscription box that pairs sexy romances with erotic toys. She’s been featured on Jezebel, Bustle, Entertainment Weekly, and Oprah Daily.