4 Ways Women Give Men Instant Ick Without Even Trying
It’s not fair, but sometimes the tiniest things give the ick.
Diana Simump | Unsplash The “ick” feeling is a sudden feeling of revulsion toward someone you were once interested in, sparked by something they said, did, or how they acted. This feeling could be caused by a range of things, from something as small and seemingly insignificant as the way a guy eats a hot dog to something bigger like being rude to the waitstaff.
Men put up with a lot of women’s icks in the dating world. For a guy to walk away, a woman usually has to hit some next-level toxic behaviors. Still, there are things women do, sometimes without even realizing it, that push men away. And while men might have a higher tolerance for certain things, there’s a breaking point.
Here are the ways women give men instant ick without even trying:
1. Complaining when he’s showing honest effort
As adults who gain wisdom with experience and age, we’re better at knowing what we don’t want. Some things are common knowledge, like checking in after a night out or remembering to buy a card and flowers for Valentine’s Day. Other things, men need the time to learn.
It’s unfair for a woman to assume a man “should just know” how to be in a relationship with her. If the man is trying to learn you, don’t be so quick to bite his head off if it takes him some time. If necessary, make it easier for him and give him a cheat code.
While there's no universally accepted research directly stating that women complaining when a man shows effort pushes him away, research does suggest that unresolved emotional issues, fear of intimacy, and poor communication skills can lead to push-pull dynamics in relationships, where individuals may unconsciously push partners away. If partners struggle to communicate their needs and emotions effectively, this can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of being unheard, potentially contributing to a push-pull dynamic.
2. Never initiating intimacy
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Women have no qualms about openly lusting over guys like David Beckham, Idris Elba, and any other attractive celebrity. But why is it so difficult to outwardly compliment your man? Not those superficial “babe you look nice today” comments either.
We want and need to know that you find us attractive. It means something to have the woman you love to desire you with the same intensity that you desire her.
3. Not letting him express himself
In relationships, men usually try to avoid confrontation because they prefer peace and quiet. Disagreements and arguments are a part of romantic relationships.
For some women, they spend so much of their time outside of the house being silenced and demeaned that in the home they can come across as unnecessarily combative with their men.
When things are calm, a man’s silence is read as being disengaged and apathetic. That’s not necessarily true. You can’t force meaningful conversation out of your man. But when he is ready to open up, make sure that you’ve created a comfortable space for him to do so freely.
When women limit a man's ability to express himself authentically, it can lead to feelings of frustration and disconnection, potentially pushing him away, as men value autonomy and self-expression. A 2022 study explained that if a man consistently feels unheard and unappreciated, he may seek validation and emotional connection elsewhere, potentially leading to the end of the relationship.
4. Being on your phone all the time
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For as much as society says that we’re all attached to our phones, social media, and other distractions, women somehow sidestep that blame in relationships.
In my previous relationship, my significant other had a different schedule than I did. So I’d purposely make sure that I’d get enough work done and handle whatever I had on my to-do list to be available when she needed me. We tried our best to share that schedule.
With more women working outside of the home and being the household’s sole breadwinner, their plates are overflowing. They’re wearing many hats and intimacy with their boyfriend or husband might be the area that falls by the wayside.
Men can feel abandoned and neglected too. Although we’ll never beg for more time because it’s hard to see the woman we love killing herself to be all things at once. Chalk that up to ego or to a man being compassionate. Just know that your man needs you to make time for him where he isn’t sharing you with something else mentally or emotionally.
The male ego is fragile. That doesn’t mean it needs to be stroked constantly. Protecting a man’s heart the way he does yours begins with you understanding that beyond that facade, every man is capable of being hurt by a woman they truly love.
James Woodruff is a freelance writer and blogger. His writing has appeared at The Good Men Project and Medium, and more.
