I’m No Longer In The Rookie Stage Of Divorced Dating
Finding my way in the divorced dating scene one inquisition at a time.
Jacob Lund | Canva I went out the other night. It felt like I was returning to the scene of a crime. The girls wanted to meet at a particular outdoor bar. I relented and met them there. It’s the one I don’t dig. I figured it would be okay. I’m getting smarter, and less trusting.
I’m edging out of the rookie phase of divorced dating.
“I haven’t seen you in a while,” says one of our guy friends.
He has no clue it’s been intentional. I’ve been taking a break. A guy lying to me a few weeks ago cinched it. I needed a reset. It didn’t hurt that I was traveling for part of that time. I sit next to my girlfriends.
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“I won’t trust a single man here,” I say.
Who could blame me? It’s where I met the guy who lied.
“Oh,” says my friend. “You’re just in the babyhood of divorced dating. You’re just in training.”
She’s been dating for a while. She’s telling me I’m learning the ropes. Other divorced women have been there, and done that. They have had some bad dating experiences.
They’ve also learned the hard way. They’ve wised up. You can’t trust every man.
“I want proof a man is divorced,” I say. “I want to see a license that confirms his name. I want proof of everything.”
“Guys should have to carry a card in their wallets with proof of divorce,” laughs my friend.
“Not a bad idea,” I say.
To
I stick to my plan. I’m not talking to anyone but the girls at my table. This is the last place I want to meet a guy. It’s a beautiful night, and I’m enjoying my friends. We decide to move on to another restaurant. It’s a relief. Anywhere is better than the place I call the bad effects of divorce.
We walk up to the bar. A man asks if he can buy me a drink. This is a nicer place but I’m no longer a divorced dating rookie. I’m permanently suspicious. I have questions. I want answers. I want details.
“Are you divorced?” I ask. I’m waiting for his answer before I say yes to a drink.
To be fair, I asked that question to the guy who lied to me a few weeks ago. The difference? I simply believed him. I didn’t grill him. I should have.
“I’m in the middle of a divorce,” he says.
“OK,” I say.
He seems nice.
I still trust no one. I don’t want to talk about anything but his marital situation. If you’re divorcing, when did you initiate it? How far along are you?
I figure if it’s not the truth, he’ll trip himself up. And trip up he did. It seems his divorce is impending. I’m pretty sure that’s code for never having been initiated. It’s just around the corner but it hasn’t become official yet. Even if he was in the middle of a divorce, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to date someone going through a divorce. It’s too complicated.
I’m looking to date someone who is officially signed, sealed, and delivered. I’m looking to date that type of divorced man. A man whose divorce is completely finalized. A man who is several years out of a divorce. Maybe a guy who’s learned some hard divorced dating lessons himself.
No worries or hurry though. I’ll find my way. One inquisition at a time. I’m no longer a divorced dating rookie.
Colleen Sheehy Orme is a national relationship columnist, journalist, and former business columnist. She writes bout love, life, relationships, family, parenting, divorce, and narcissism.