You'll Never Have To Chase Someone Who Wants To Be With You
Love shouldn't be that hard.
Africa Studio / Shutterstock Ladies, if you don't read any further than this one line, know this: you should never have to force a man to be in a relationship with you.
Now, it's possible you're thinking that you've never done such a thing, and I mean, who would? That's so awful and manipulative to play with a person like that, and there's no way you're that kind of girlfriend and — oh, wait, maybe you have.
It's cool, we all have — unintentionally, of course.
Forcing someone to follow the rules of complete commitment gives the imagery of holding a gun to a guy's head while he changes his Facebook status.
While it's still slightly that crazy, it's not as easy to point out.
As smart, confident women, we're pretty sure we know what we want. And while it's easy to have clear goals to chase when it comes to things like careers, the waters get murky when we think about love.
Once we've set our sights on a man we think it's relationship-worthy, we can sometimes overlook and manipulate our way into making it happen when it was never really supposed to.
Take it from me, a master manipulator who has no idea she's actually manipulating.
I was talking to a guy who was on the fence about joining the military. Though we had been seeing each other for a month or two, we were far from serious and I didn't always get the vibe he wanted to be with me.
But he was cute and could cook so I just ignored all the red flags.
Then he got accepted into the military and was going to leave for boot camp. I, being the mature, responsible adult I am, pouted and made him feel guilty AF for not being in a "official" relationship before he shipped out.
We started dating two days before he left and I spent the rest of the relationship trying to fight the feeling that he didn't really like me.
I mean, I'm sure he did. But only because I forced my way into his life.
The logical, less-selfish thing would have been to let him go and enjoy his new career without the burden of someone waiting for you at home. But I didn't.
Here's the thing about guys and commitment: we say they don't want it, and that there's no way they'll ever want it on their own. But that's not true.
When it's with the right person and they feel like they're making the decision on their own, they have no problem with commitment.
Maybe if a guy doesn't want to commit, he just doesn't want to be with you.
It hurts, sure, but wouldn't you rather let that one go and wait for the guy you don't have to convince?
Emily Blackwood is a writer who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, relationships, and everything in between. Follow her on Twitter.