My Husband And I Don't Share My Girlfriend
I'm in love with two people, and I'm with both of them.
veronicagomepola, Jupiterimages | Canva A lot of people get confused about my relationship dynamics, so here's what one reader had to ask. MaliMali asked, "Is she mainly your girlfriend? Is it like he comes home to two wives? Have you ever shared a boyfriend in your marriage?" Jemma is only my girlfriend and not my husband's. Although the two of them are very good friends. They have a lot in common, in fact — food, wine, books, theater, and of course me. It's nice because she is often over in the evenings and on weekends and there is a great vibe between all four of us.
When my husband and I first experimented with opening our marriage we did both have the same girlfriend, which also worked out well for all of us. It's a chemistry thing — with a little magic mixed in, I suppose. You have to have the right people at the right time all interested in the same thing. We haven't ever shared a boyfriend. That is not something my husband is interested in because he is not interested in men.
I'm not sure it would be something I would be interested in either. That's a different dynamic. I'm not even sure I would want to have the same girlfriend again. Although, I try to never say never! We're not quite a throuple, which is when everyone dates each other in a polyamorous relationship, but rather in a beautiful open marriage that allows us to find connections with other people.
That's the wonderful thing about our marriage and about many other people's marriages, I hope. It's all about what the people involved want. There is no right way to fall in love, and many people, myself included, can find themselves in love with two people at the same time. There shouldn't be guilt or betrayal in that, but more of the beautiful notion that I have so much love to give.
It shouldn't be what society dictates, or guilt compels, but what the spouses and partners want. Whether that be monogamy, polyamory, swinging, or the like. I know people in open marriages who explore all sorts of permutations, including poly-fidelitous v's of three and tribes or ten or more. They're the happiest they've ever been, but they're scared to talk about it openly in public and many of their friends and family are unaware of all the facts about their relationships. As far as I am concerned, all you need in a relationship are love, trust, honesty, and communication. The rest ... is up to you.
Jenny Block writes for several regional and national publications, including the Dallas Morning News and American Way. She's the author of Open: Love In An Open Marriage.