My Husband Is Dating Our Babysitter
I actually introduced him to the woman he's currently dating.
pixelshot / Canva Trying to find opportunities for alone time as new parents is a classic struggle. Between daily feedings, getting your child on a sleeping schedule, and finding time to sleep, couples are constantly looking for ways to spend more time together.
My husband and I have been lucky enough to have a weekly "date night" since our daughter was born. It provides us a nice break where we can catch up and spend a few hours alone.
What's our secret? He's dating the babysitter. Well, technically, his girlfriend volunteered to babysit for us. (Isn't that sweet of her?)
An open marriage certainly has its challenges, but finding personal time outside of being a parent is actually one of the great rewards.
My husband and I have been polyamorous since we met, and I actually introduced him to the woman he is currently dating. And it doesn't just come with perks for him.
When our baby was born, she offered to babysit so we could continue having our traditional date nights. It's something I'm extremely grateful for, even though other people may not understand.
On Sundays, the two of them have time together while I stay home with the baby. And sometimes, his girlfriend comes over to spend time with him and our daughter when I'm out with someone else.
Being polyamorous requires a pretty organized calendar and a ton of communication, and we are finding that being parents requires the same.
Photo: Yan Krukau / Pexels
We try to plan ahead and make sure each of us is getting time alone, all while having time to spend on other relationships, and trying to keep our marriage alive and healthy simultaneously.
Plus, parenthood itself can be quite the time-suck. Is it all roses all the time? Of course not. But it's incredibly fulfilling.
After reading the "Bitty Baby" book for the tenth time and picking up blocks for the eleventy-billionth time this Sunday, I was more than ready for my husband to get home and help out, or at least talk over that incessant whining noise coming from the toddler's direction.
But that's much more a function of being a parent than being poly, and I would have been grumbling about any activity he was out doing while casting myself as Mother Martyr.
Jealousy and poly relationships is quite the topic to address.
To sum it up: no, poly people aren't magically inoculated against jealousy. But we are educated about it, and we arm ourselves with the tools to deal with it, rather than ignoring it and hoping it will go away.
Not long ago, my husband and I each gave the other person a whole weekend away without the other, giving us the chance to explore being with other people. I had mine and it was lovely.
But when he had his time away, I found myself vaguely green with envy, thinking about the two of them in a cozy cabin.
What was the real problem? Was I actually jealous of my husband, or was it something deeper?
While I didn't plan ahead like I meant to and was feeling lonely, I remedied the situation. I called up some friends and arranged playdates and, all of a sudden, the cozy cabin wasn't a problem anymore.
Photo: Ground Picture / Shutterstock
Nothing about them or their trip had changed, but I identified my own insecurity and took care of it.
So, is taking up polyamory the solution to your difficulty in finding a babysitter? Well, probably not. But it might help explain why we're not joining your neighborhood babysitting co-op!
Alexa is a freelance writer and contributor to Ravishly. She writes frequently about polyamory, feminism, and unconventional relationships.