6 Most Frequent Complaints Women Have About Their Husbands In Couples Therapy, According To A Psychologist
A lot can be accomplished just by hearing your partner’s perspective in a neutral, safe zone.
Anatoliy Karlyuk | Shutterstock Couples therapy can provide the opportunity to discover and address recurring issues that, if overlooked, might silently erode intimacy in a relationship. In sessions with an experienced psychologist, common themes emerge—the concerns women raise about their husbands are not merely minor annoyances but are rooted in deeper feelings of neglect and disconnection.
Many women in therapy share their feelings about their husbands, revealing the rich emotional layers and needs that often go unaddressed. Whether they feel sidelined by a husband’s priorities or long for a more supportive and imaginative partnership, understanding these issues is the first step toward creating a more balanced and fulfilling relationship.
Here are the 6 most frequent complaints women have about their husbands in couples therapy:
1. 'He prioritizes other things (work, friends, hobbies) above me'
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Most women do not express, as men do, that their husband has zero interest in them romantically or in general. They do, however, feel like their husband is much more enthusiastic about and/or committed to other activities than he is to her.
Most husbands are bewildered or angered by this complaint, saying that everything they do is built around providing for their wives/families, and they are only trying to have some time to themselves outside of the daily grind of home obligations. This protestation still does not make women feel better if they see their husbands’ eyes light up at the prospect of traveling without them or being given an important work assignment, and they have not seen their husbands’ eyes light up at the prospect of spending time alone with them in a long time.
2. 'He doesn’t like my friends/family'
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This is a more common complaint in women than in men, perhaps because women maintain stronger connections with others after marriage than men do. Either way, women tend to be upset by their husbands’ unwillingness to engage socially, usually interpreting it as rudeness or self-centeredness.
The men’s counterpoint to this is that they have limited spare time and just don’t like socializing, but this often doesn’t ease their wives’ feelings of abandonment and disappointment.
3. 'He has let himself go'
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As I said in my post about men’s complaints, this is a statement that is usually expressed more indirectly in couples' work, since women don’t want to embarrass or hurt their husbands by stating this directly. But I can say with no hesitation that in individual sessions, women frequently vocalize extreme dissatisfaction with their husbands’ hygiene (how often they brush their teeth, shower, and get haircuts are big ones), how he dresses (in old ratty clothes), and his lack of attention to his weight and to eating healthy.
In fact, in my experience, women express this more frequently than men do. Often, to their credit, men will make significant improvements in their hygiene and fashion sense if they are told directly by their wives that this would yield increased happiness and physical closeness (not even just intercourse). Unfortunately, most women can’t get up the nerve to express themselves openly about this topic until it is too late, i.e., they have completely or almost completely lost attraction to their husbands.
4. 'I do everything for the family and he doesn’t appreciate me'
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This complaint is extremely common. Women, particularly if they are stay-at-home moms, feel that they spend their entire day doing tasks that only get noticed if they are forgotten (e.g., replacing toilet paper, buying groceries, sweeping, doing homework with the kids).
They feel that their husband gets recognition at their job, but they are doing an equally difficult job and get no recognition at all. Furthermore, they feel that the benefit of being around the children more means that they have the inside scoop about many issues related to the kids’ personalities, behavior, preferences, development, and needs.
When their husbands attempt to “correct” them (which from the husband’s perspective may just be “giving his opinion”), women often feel invalidated and angry. They feel that they have earned the right to be deferred to on many issues about parenting (and home life generally) by devoting themselves wholly to the kids and home, and although they do not express this wish directly (no woman ever says the word “defer” outright), they say things like, “But I DO know better, don’t I? I spend more time with them!”
5. 'He isn’t on my side when I have arguments with the children'
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This can be an issue at any age, but becomes particularly upsetting the older the kids get. Some men, trying to be “fair,” play a King Solomon role, intervening in an argument by asking both their child and their wife what their perspectives are, and then weighing in with their opinion. This approach enrages the wives, who want their husband to have their back in front of the kids, and, if need be, approach them privately with any concerns.
This is, objectively, a better way of dealing with issues, unless the wife is being abusive, since the King Solomon act leads to kids not respecting their mother’s opinion. Women who complain about this also generally feel that their husbands do not think they are “right” about anything, or equally as smart as their husbands, which is also a theme in the “he won’t defer to me” part of complaint #4.
6. 'He's not adventurous in the bedroom'
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Particularly as they get out of the “baby hole” and feel more like their pre-kids selves, many women who previously relied a great deal on their husbands’ stability or reliability to get them through the trenches of early parenting now view these same husbands as boring or unimaginative.
Additionally, when many women reach their late 30s or 40s, they look back over their history and wish they had done more exciting things (or that their current intimate lives resembled those that they had with previous partners). Often, these women will try to initiate more experimental or adventurous intimacy, or even just to talk more about their physical lives with their husbands, but not really get anywhere. If this goes poorly, and the wife feels rejected, it does not bode well for continued compatibility or staying together.
If these complaints resonate with you, it would be a good idea to try counseling to see if they can be worked through with a therapist. Most divorces in later years of marriages are initiated by women who are just burned out after years of feeling like their needs haven’t been heard or addressed. Why not try and see if any of these points of contention can be worked through?
Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health.