The Most Effective Way To Affair-Proof Your Marriage, Says Couples Therapist Of 20 Years
How to prevent infidelity from happening to you.
Jelena Danilovic | Canva It's a sad fact that a lot of relationships end with one or both partners having an affair. According to Statista, 21 percent of US respondents admitted to cheating on a current or former partner.
Despite infidelity happening so often, and not even beautiful celebrities are exempt from it, why are we all so shocked when it continues to happen?
When a marriage or any romantic relationship sours, an affair is a painful yet convenient way to escape. It's usually a last resort people do when they feel their marriages are on the brink of ending.
It's easy to blame the affair, blame the person the affair was with, or blame everything except the real problem: that someone's needs were not being met, so that person found a way to have them met elsewhere.
If you want to avoid the affair trap, the first thing you need to do is figure out what you are not getting from your spouse. Is it physical affection? Validation of your emotions? Acknowledgment of the things that bother you? Feeling prioritized? Feeling respected?
Once you sort that out for yourself, go to your spouse and ask him for it. Here's how:
- Explain the situation in a non-emotional way;
- Describe how it impacts you emotionally;
- Ask him to meet that need in a very specific way; and
- Ask him if this is something he is willing to do for you.
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You might want to also ask if there is something he needs from you.
The only way we can be sure we are meeting our partners' needs is if they confirm what they want.
Guessing and blindly throwing darts just hoping to hit the bull's eye gets us nowhere.
If it turns out that you haven't identified your needs correctly, go back to the drawing board and try again. If the truth is that your real need is to be out of this relationship, do both of you a favor and say that.
No one can fix a relationship when one partner doesn't want to be in it. Sometimes the healthiest thing is to just let go and move on.
It will not spare the other person's feelings if you keep trying to make something work that just isn't viable. All it will lead to is more and more dissatisfaction and more risk that one or both of you will fall into the affair trap.
Once you have stated your need, given a clear, concise way your partner can help you achieve it, and committed to fulfilling your partner's needs, your relationship will be less susceptible to an affair.
Kate Evans has nearly twenty years of experience in psychology and is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, a certified yoga instructor, and a certified Life Coach.