Maybe We're Not Supposed To End Up With Our Soulmates
Love doesn't "happen"; it's a choice.
Pressmaster / Shutterstock Egyptian Gods Osiris and Isis were considered soulmates some 5,000 years ago. Even in the New Testament, Jesus tells the Pharisees that we are originally made by God: "Male and female... for this cause shall leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh... no more twain, but one flesh." (Matthew 19:4-6)
Mankind has heard of and (sometimes) believed in the concept of soulmates for thousands of years, more so in current years. A majority of people are in search of "the one," "the other half," or the soulmate.
So, do I believe in soulmates? I do... and I don't.
I don't think there's one perfect person out there for me who is going to make me whole, but I have a best friend who I connect with so well that I would consider her my platonic soulmate. I have yet to feel that connection with anyone of the opposite sex.
Maybe we don't need someone else to complete us because our lives are already full.
Having a significant other in life is more of an addition of someone beautiful who is good to us and good for us. Many of us, especially girls growing up with the notion that we have to meet someone to become complete, makes us feel like we are halves wandering this world looking for our other half.
The theory of soulmates reminds me of being that one pink Starburst who is looking for another pink Starburst because no other color would work. But isn't there so much beauty in differences coming together?
Maybe soulmates exist, maybe they don't, but chasing after your "one true love" while ignoring who you have in your life might set you up for a big disappointment.
Studies have shown that people who believe in soulmates might be setting themselves up for failed relationships because they are waiting for one ideal partner who matches them perfectly (physically, emotionally and psychologically), who are extremely difficult to find if they even exist.
Those of us who believe in soulmates are constantly comparing our current partner to the idealized version of a person we have in our heads, which is quite unrealistic.
With online dating, people have become so disposable because they think someone better and more perfect is out there as long as they keep looking.
Remember our grandparents, and how their marriages lasted until one of them passed away? They weren't with their soulmates necessarily, but they worked at their relationship and didn't give up (most of the time).
I'm more of a believer of the "work-it-out" theory, which is the complete opposite of believing in soulmates.
Good relationships depend on the effort the two people are willing to put in the work. When two individuals come together, being honest that there will be challenges and that they will work together to overcome them is more romantic to me.
It isn't the good times that test the strength of a relationship; rather, it's how couples handle conflict.
I asked a few of my happily married girlfriends and none of them believe that relationships magically work just because it's "meant" to. They all said they put work in and it's the mindset that makes the whole difference. One of them said, "Most marriages end because people think it should be easy."
I second that. The mentality to want to make a relationship work — and the willingness to put the effort in — is what makes real relationships work.
If two people have realistic expectations from a relationship and are reasonable, most of them can work. And by no means am I suggesting settling; that's a whole new topic.
You are the only person in charge of your happily ever after; therefore, you decide who your "soulmate" is.
When two people choose to stay together and love each other, it takes more than just timing and compatibility; it takes work, effort, and patience for it to grow.
Maybe it isn't about soulmates but more about being with someone who makes you happy.
Most women want to be with a man who is gentle, kind and down to earth, someone who has core values, is loyal, and knows how to respect others. A man who provides you with reassuring steadiness and security.
That's not a soulmate; that's a good man you're lucky to have who's choosing to be that way for you because he loves you.
So maybe we aren't supposed to end up with our soulmate; maybe we are supposed to end up with the kind of man who will not give up on us, the same way we will not give up on them.
In the end, what matters is that you end up with the person you love who loves you back.
Love doesn't "happen"; it's a choice.
Anjana Rajbhandary is a certified mental health professional, researcher, and self-directed writer/editor. Her work has been featured on Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Medium, Chicago Tribune, and others. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram for more.