Matchmaker Reveals 3 Daily 'Divorce-Proof' Marriage Habits
Three simple daily actions that go a long way to strengthen your marriage.
Zinkevych | Canva The true divorce rate might always be debated, but behind that fact, more and more couples are seeking ways to divorce-proof their marriages. Whether you're a newlywed or have been married for years, you may have experienced a few bumps in the road.
Many singles I've worked with are divorced or separated and have shared all the reasons their marriages didn't work out. Although each person has their own story and experience to share, it's clear there are some common problems. In hindsight, the inevitable breakdown could have been avoided if the issues had been addressed early and actions had been taken before it became too late to save the relationship.
Here are 3 daily 'divorce-proof' marriage habits as revealed by a matchmaker
1. Don't make assumptions
Avoid making assumptions by asking your partner plainly and openly, "What did you mean by that?" So many of us get angry and resentful over something that isn't even true. It also leaves your partner feeling confused, lost, and possibly bitter, for accusing them of things. Research from 2001 demonstrates how communicated attributions affect trust.
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2. Learn to speak the same love language
There are loads of books that try to help people decode the way men and women think. Men and women are different with different motivations and ways of expressing themselves. Gary Chapman's, 5 Love Languages test is a great tool! It helps to identify your dominant "love language," which is a thorough analysis of your emotional communication preference.
Understanding your motivations and your partner's motivations gives you greater insight into how to connect with your partner in a way that makes sense for him/her. Understanding what makes your partner "tick" allows you to communicate more effectively.
3. Have regular adult "play time"
In my experience with clients, the top three reasons I've discovered marriages failing are money, kids (parenting differences), and a lack of intimacy. Husbands complain about having to beg their wives to be intimate more than once a month. Alternatively, wives complain that their husbands work too much and are too tired, or are never home to spend time with them.
A Journal of Family Psychology study from 2005 supports that intimacy is key to marital survival. If you're not having enjoyable physical intimacy on a semi-regular basis, you may be heading in the direction of divorce. Having more fun, and physical intimacy is a major benefit of marriage, so it's a disappointment to your partner when all of a sudden, the ride is over and the train only rolls in once a month.
Make every effort to change whatever is necessary for you to regain your passion. Flirt with your partner every day! It's as essential as brushing your teeth, saying "good morning" when you wake up, and "good night" before you fall asleep. After all, if you're not doing these little but meaningful things, it's all too easy to neglect the big stuff too.
Remember to put yourself in your partner's shoes. Remove your insecurities and assumptions, and take the time to show your appreciation with kind words and willful thoughtfulness and kindness. These daily simple tips will go a long way to strengthen your marriage.
Carmelia Ray is a dating, matchmaking, and attraction expert with 20+ years of experience. She has worked with North America’s largest and leading professional matchmaking companies, helping thousands of singles achieve their relationship goals.