Psychology Says If You Can Master These 3 Skills, You'll Be The Most Interesting Woman In The Room
How to say the right thing to any man.
Jacob Lund | Canva I remember when I used to walk on eggshells around men. That awful, helpless feeling of being so unsure of what I should express and how I should communicate, that more often than not I wouldn't speak up at all.
And, when I did let a man know how I felt, it usually came out all wrong and I'd end up pushing him away. It took me a long time to land upon a powerful combination of words that helped me be true to myself, get my needs met, and help a man become completely devoted to me.
If you can master these three skills, you'll be the most interesting woman in the room:
1. Forget the myth that men are scared of feelings
I know you may have heard that men don't like feelings. You may have suffered some painful experiences with a man when you DID try to talk about feelings with him.
But, here's what I want you to know: men aren't afraid of feelings at all. What they don't like is drama — when we unleash our pain, disappointment, and anger in the wrong way.
That's when you'll see a man shut down, become defensive, and call you "dramatic" or needy. Arguing in a relationship can be healthy, research from the University of Georgia claims, but only when it's done calmly, and without any resentment or anger.
2. Stop trying to hide what you're feeling
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When we've expressed a feeling to a man only to watch him withdraw, we'll often start doing something else: we'll ignore the feeling altogether and pretend it's not there. When he asks us what's wrong, we'll look away and say, "Oh, nothing."
But, doing this creates more distance between you and a man. Why? Because he'll sense that something IS wrong with you, and he'll know you're pretending.
He'll know you're not being authentic and it starts to make him wonder whether he's getting the whole picture with you. And, because you've been covering up so much, sometimes you might not even know exactly what you're feeling. Being authentic in a relationship is the best way for someone to fall in love with you, according to research from 2013.
So, your first task is to practice simply getting in touch with what's really going on for you. If he was late to pick you up (again), stop and ask yourself what the core feeling is, and keep it simple: in this case, you're probably angry.
3. Use the right words to reach his heart
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What you say to a man is everything — certain words can make him pull away and make you feel like you're losing him, while other words can draw him to you like a magnet so that you feel like the most important thing in the world to him.
If you launch at him with an accusation ("You're always late"), then not only will you NOT get the resolution you want, but you'll create more unnecessary tension. But, watch what happens when you leave him out of it and focus on your feelings: "I feel really angry when I have to keep waiting, and I don't like being late."
See the difference? He is not the bad guy, and you're not hiding who you are. Now here's the key: follow up your feelings with an offer of negotiation: "What do you think we can do so we're both happy?"
When you talk to a man like this, he can't help but feel like he's just won the lottery. He's found a woman who isn't afraid to show him her true self and who respects him enough to want to agree.
Mutual respect is a factor contributing to relationship success, 2002 research claims. Practice this the next time you're feeling disappointed with a man, and notice how he starts looking at you differently ... and responding to you differently.
Rori Raye is a relationship coach who's helped thousands of women transform their love lives.