Psychology Says If You Can Master These 8 Skills On A First Date, You'll Definitely Get A Second
How to be a pro at first dates.
NeonShot | Canva Whether you're on your first date with a new person or the 100th with your significant other, you want to have a great time, without embarrassing yourself or being embarrassed by your partner.
Likewise, you don't want to be one of those couples who has nothing to talk about at dinner, and you don't want to be the date who dominates the conversation, not letting her date get a word in edgewise. Following these dos and don'ts of dating etiquette will help you sit back, relax, and enjoy a fulfilling date.
If you can master these eight skills on a first date, you'll get a second:
1. Don't hog the conversation
There are so many different styles of communicating that it's often difficult to use the right style at the right time. A woman who can engage in the conversation at the appropriate time is very alluring.
Being a wallflower and not saying anything at all can give off the wrong impression. He may think you're mad, you're not enjoying yourself, or "She's just not that into me."
On the other hand, a surefire way to turn a man off? Cut him off or don't let him get a word in. And, remember, a pause in conversation is okay. It's better to have a moment of silence to collect your thoughts than to talk just to fill the space.
2. Let go of the RBF
Vinicius Wiesehofer / Pexels
RBF is short for Resting B**** Face. The most attractive thing that you can do on a date is a smile. More than a tight dress, men are attracted to women who smile. According to a study by the American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry, 48% of adults believe a smile is the most memorable feature when first meeting someone.
But it doesn't stop there. A beautiful smile is irresistible; you're like a magnet that will draw people to you. A smile puts everyone at ease and makes you approachable in social situations. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel awkward, try smiling and see if it doesn't change your environment. How often do we sit with frowns or scowl on our faces? Trying to smile instead.
—Ugenita Provost, Life Coach
3. Don't drink too much
When you are on a date, you may be inclined to drink a little more than usual to help you loosen up. Ladies, do not by any means try to match your date drink for drink. One study by the dating app Flirtini shows that one in four men and one in five women would turn down a second date with someone who got drunk on the first one.
And gentlemen, under no circumstance should you suggest your date drink more than she's able to handle. You are not in college anymore, and your goal on a date is not to get as drunk as possible.
The best way to prevent yourself from getting drunk on a date is to never drink on an empty stomach. It is always best to have a meal or appetizer when alcohol is involved. A very good rule of thumb is for every drink you have, you should drink one glass of water.
4. Don't scroll social media
When you are on a date, be fully present in the moment with the person you are on a date with. If he/she sets aside time to spend with you, then you should honor it and never take a call or text during your date. According to a YouGov poll, 69% of men say that being on your phone is the most off-putting behavior on a first date.
Nothing, besides an emergency, is so important that it cannot wait a few hours for you to respond. If you do need to take an urgent call or text, make sure you tell her/him who and why you have to take it, so he/she doesn't assume it's another man/woman on the other end.
—Suzanne K. Oshima, Dating Coach
5. Ask open-ended questions
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To keep the conversation flowing naturally, ask questions that encourage answers in paragraphs rather than "yes/no" answers. For instance, try "What do you do for fun?" instead of "Do you play tennis?" One poll states that first dates are meant to get to know another person.
6. Politely interrupt
If it feels like you're just doing all the asking and your partner is doing all the talking, balance it out by sharing your answers when your date pauses. If it's been a 10-minute one-sided discourse about stamp collecting, you can say "It sounds like you've got some great collectibles there. My favorite hobby is salsa dancing. I've been taking lessons once a week at the community center. It's great exercise and makes me feel like I'm visiting a tropical paradise..."
It's a turn-on to have hobbies, and what are the most attractive hobbies? According to one recent study, playing instruments and reading rank high.
7. Be on time
Try your very best to be on time or, if possible, early for a date. Arriving late signals to your date that you had better things to do than honor his/her time with a prompt arrival. One study from 2011 shows a link between punctuality and perceived attractiveness in dating scenarios.
8. Maintain an open mindset
Don't let one minor snafu ruin an entire date. So, you spilled your wine within five minutes of meeting this new guy? Let it go! The only thing worse than spilled wine is fixating on it for the rest of the meal. Be present.
Likewise, when you part ways, don't jump to any fixed conclusions about the date. Don't feel like you have to make a judgment call about date number two as soon as you leave date number one.
Sleep on it. Allow your mind to change, as it certainly will anyway! If you're in a relationship, dinner dates can start to run together — but keeping an open mind will allow you to experience something new with your partner that you might otherwise miss if you're only looking for the same old thing.
—Melodie Tucker, Life Coach
Suzanne Oshima is a dating coach for women who has appeared on Bravo, Good Morning America, the Today Show, and more.
Ungenita Prevost is an in-demand public speaker and workshop leader and has appeared on MTV, NBC, VH1, FOX, CBS, FX, ABC, and The E Channel.
Melodie Tucker is an internationally known Mars Venus Success Coach and instructor, guiding people to discover what it is they want out of life — and then helping them figure out how to get it.