Married Couples Who Stay Madly In Love For Decades Do These 8 Things For Each Other Without Being Asked
Make sure your partner knows you are thinking of them.
Alexander's Images | Canva No married couple who stays madly in love for decades expresses their love in the same way. But the truly happy couples do share one thing in common: both members make little gestures throughout the day for the other without really thinking about it.
Indeed, partners in healthy relationships and marriages make a habit of doing things that, quite simply, they think will please the other person.
Married couples who stay madly in love for decades do these things for each other without being asked:
1. Pay compliments
A simple, “You look nice today” or “Dinner was delicious” can make a huge difference in a marriage. “We all want and need [compliments] from those who we love most,” says Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert for Maple Holistics. “We want to know we are still liked, loved, and thought of.”
2. Express thanks
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When your partner does something for you, say thank you. It sounds simple but, per Terry Klee, a New York-based couples counselor, this behavior goes away because partners tend to take the other person for granted. (“Well, of course, he took out the trash, that’s what he’s supposed to do.”)
Neglecting basic manners, however, can catch up to couples if they’re not careful. “Saying ‘thank you’ costs nothing,” says Klee. “Not saying ‘thank you’ can cost everything. Because it kind of accumulates, that feeling of not being appreciated.”
3. Take on chores for the other
After a long day of work and parenting, coming home to a full sink of dirty, caked-on dishes can be enough to defeat even the most stalwart mom or dad. The experts suggest taking it off your partner’s shoulders and giving him or her a break for the night. Even better, don’t tell them you did it and let them come home to a wonderful surprise.
“Taking something off each other’s plate shows that you appreciate your partner’s hard work and want to help them and allow them time to unwind after a hard day,” says Vikki Ziegler, a renowned relationship expert, divorce attorney, author of The Pre-Marital Planner.
4. Apologize when they mess up
When you’re wrong, don’t think twice about admitting it. “This isn’t true all the time,” says Raffi Bilek, a marriage counselor and the director of the Baltimore Therapy Center, “but a happily married couple is one which — in my estimation— has been through a lot, has fought enough times, and now already knows enough to apologize to each other.”
5. Destress each other
A simple, out-of-the-blue gesture shows you recognize how hard they work and they need to do something to unwind. More than that, it lets them know you see all they contribute to the marriage. This can work wonders for you both. “Set up a bubble bath, light some candles, and show that their happiness and self-care is a priority to you,” says Ziegler.
6. Find small moments for physical touch
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Klee says, “I mean something like a light touch on the shoulder or a quick peck on the cheek when you walk in.” Marriages thrive on regular physical contact. “These small gestures of physical affection mean the world to some people in terms of ‘I feel loved,'” says Klee. “Daily, it releases all of our happy neurotransmitters. It’s not OK to not touch.”
7. Give their partner space
Sometimes giving your partner some space and time to be with friends outside of the house can be a simple gesture that can reap huge dividends. “Surprising your spouse with an outing with friends is a great way to show support for their interests and friendships,” says Ziegler, “and allows them to get out and unwind.”
8. Send themselves out
Just leaving the premises and giving one’s partner a bit of time alone at home is a big gesture. Is it something to do all the time? No, but taking the kids to breakfast or out to the movies clears out the house for a few hours and can make a world of difference in a partner’s state of mind — and one’s relationship with them.
“Sometimes just letting your partner get a break and some rest is the best way to contribute happiness to your marriage,” Ziegler says. “Give your partner some alone time to unwind, catch up on sleep, or do whatever it is they need to do to feel refreshed and appreciated.”
“Happily married couples think of ways to make the other person happy without being asked,” says Bilek. “If one of them is out and about and sees a bake sale, he goes over and checks if they have any chocolate éclairs because he knows his partner loves chocolate éclairs. If she hears about a woodworking show in town, she takes a picture of the flyer so she can tell him about it later because he is totally into woodworking.”
No, we don’t have to be using woodworking and sweets as examples, but the truth remains: “Both partners have each others’ needs and interests top of mind, and they keep them there — without being asked.”
Klee agrees. She notes it’s important to keep this awareness even when your spouse isn’t around. “One of the key traits in close to 80 percent of men and women was how often they are carrying their partner around in their mind. How much real estate they give to them,” she says.
“You never want to be in that 20 percent. I always found that to be a very interesting statistic. You ask people, ‘How often do you think of Susan?’ or ‘How often do you think of Joe?’ and, if they say ‘Not much,’ track that friend’s marriage, because it’s probably not going to last.”
Jeremy K. Brown is a writer focused on relationships, money, parenting, and more.