Marriage Counselor Reveals The 3 'Top Complaints' From Men & Women In Couples Therapy
Marriage isn't always blissful. It takes work and commitment to maintain.
Jacob Lund / Shutterstock Your spouse is often your most cherished person and closest confidant. However, this also means they're likely the person you clash with and have disagreements with the most.
Corrin Voeller, a marriage therapist and relationship coach, took to TikTok to reveal the top complaints she hears from couples about one another — and how they often differ between husbands and wives.
Here are the top 3 complaints husbands make about their wives during counseling:
1. Lack of physical affection.
“He will refer to this as intimacy, and he also means physical touch, like hand holding, kisses, hugging … and more,” Voeller explained.
The men Voeller has counseled frequently reported a “lack of enthusiasm” from their wives when they do engage in physical affection, and that they are rarely the ones to initiate it.
Physical touch tends to be a crucial part of relationships for men. According to research conducted by experts at The Kinsey Institute in Bloomington, Ind., kissing cuddling, and caressing are more important to men than women and increase their overall satisfaction in a relationship.
2. Overspending and or lack of budget awareness.
According to Voeller, this complaint often comes both from “people who have plenty of money” and “people who are having to watch what they’re spending.”
“There’s always this fear that [their wives] are not doing enough and that there could always be some cost-cutting that could be happening,” she said.
Money is a common argument subject for couples. According to a survey by Orion, 42% of U.S. adults admitted to having disagreements about finances with their partners, with 27% claiming that arguments occur weekly or monthly.
3. Her lack of happiness in the marriage.
Voeller said even if men claim to be happy in their relationships, they notice that their wives are not, and it weighs on them. “He’s just unhappy that she’s unhappy in the relationship,” she explained.
Voeller also discovered that many discontented wives tended to suppress their true emotions, often resorting to grasping at straws in search of reasons to feel happy.
There could be a variety of reasons a woman feels unhappy in her marriage. However, she may not communicate the reasons with her husband to avoid conflict and tension.
Photo: fizkes / Shutterstock
Here are the top 3 complaints wives make about their husbands during counseling:
1. Lack of emotional connection.
“The number one complaint I hear [from wives] is that they are not connecting emotionally and she’s not getting her emotional validation needs met from him,” Voeller said. “When she talks about her problems, he’ll often talk about how to solve them instead of just validating them.”
An example of this is when a wife vents to her husband how tired she is, and he responds with “Just get more sleep!” or “Stop working so much!” A more validating response would be “I’m sorry that you’re tired, is there anything I can do for you?”
Sometimes people do not want advice or a solution to their problem. They simply just want to vent to the person they love.
2. Communication issues.
Voeller says that many wives report that communication, or lack of it, in their marriage, leads to frequent arguments.
“It ties in with them not getting their emotional needs met,” she explained. “Because he doesn’t really know how to communicate with her.”
Being completely transparent, Voeller confessed that she has found that the communication issue should not solely be blamed on the husband and that the wife is often just as responsible.
“None of us were really taught how to communicate well, so it’s really a skill that the couple can work on together to have better communication,” she said.
Lacking communication can be incredibly detrimental to a relationship, as it can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and erosion of trust. Effective communication is vital for maintaining intimacy, fostering empathy, and resolving conflicts constructively in any relationship.
3. Division of household duties.
Oftentimes, Voeller notices that the wives she counsels are frustrated by their husbands’ lack of willingness to do household chores without being told. A survey from Yelp revealed that 80% of couples have disagreements when it comes to household chores. The most common arguments revolved around when, how, and who should do the housework.
Voeller insisted that the chores should be split evenly between a husband and wife since marriage is a partnership.
“She doesn’t wanna make a list, she shouldn’t have to if you are an adult,” she pointed out. “You should know what it takes to run a household and participate in the family.”
Voeller added that other complaints spouses have about one another include a lack of involvement with the children and a lack of spontaneity.
It's normal for marriages to hit rough patches because relationships naturally evolve and encounter challenges over time.
However, the first step to repairing these issues is recognizing them. Marriage counseling can also be an extremely helpful resource.
With the right amount of work being put in from both sides, your marriage can withstand anything.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.