4 Major Dating Pitfalls Of Intelligent Women
Is your intellect an asset or a liability?
Karolina Grabowska | Canva If you're an intellectual dynamo, you're bound to date people who aren't as smart as you. Either you'll know more about your specific area of expertise, or you'll outsmart them across the board. As with any asset, a formidable intellect can work against you in dating. If you're bright and you want to succeed at dating, there are some pitfalls to avoid.
Here are 4 major dating pitfalls of intelligent women:
1. Being a know-it-all
Some intellectual dynamos are like human encyclopedias. You can be sitting at dinner, drinking wine, and this person will go on and on about the science behind winemaking. Or, no matter what topic you bring up, this person knows more about it and wants to make sure you know that. So how do you share your knowledge, which the right person will find fascinating, without boring or annoying them?
Start small — comment on why hot days and cool evenings make for better wine. If they're really into it, they'll ask for more. But even then, don't go on and on.
2. Talking down to your date
Yes, at some point you will date someone who says something you disagree with or, even more challenging, something that's just plain wrong. But there's a fine line between standing by your beliefs and talking down to someone. It's perfectly okay to make your stance known or to offer your brief argument, but the moment you descend into criticizing their beliefs (no matter how ignorant) or behaving like you're the wise one, you're finished.
Don't be a Sheldon Cooper. He's hilarious on The Big Bang Theory, but in real life, he'd be an intolerable jerk.
3. Correcting others
Perhaps he says he feels "nauseous" after eating so much when he should have said, "nauseated." Yes, that's wrong. But, I recommend you let it go. Why? Cost-benefit: The benefit of showing him the correct word will always fall short of the cost of having made him feel self-conscious. You never want to make someone feel stupid.
Savvy intellectual dynamos do the opposite — make their date feel special. It's okay to use the correct term when you ask him if he's still feeling nauseated, but avoid correcting. Once you correct someone, you cease being their date and become their teacher or parent. Game over.
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4. Trying to be right
Another temptation when you're an intellectual dynamo is the desire to be right. Smart people often feel they've earned their knowledge through diligent hard work, and it's annoying to have someone — especially someone who doesn't know as much — tout a misinformed opinion. What can start as a fun intellectual debate can turn into an irritating argument.
Here's the deal: People who think they're right aren't always right. Even if you are, trying to convince someone else you're right is a total waste of time and only makes them more resistant. Instead, make your point, but respectfully let them have their opinion. Believe me, if you do, they may still be around to eventually realize you're right (if you are!).
Remember, your intellect is one of your most powerful assets. Don't let it become a liability. The smarter you are, the more you need to make dates feel comfortable in your presence.
Christie Hartman is a psychologist, scientist, dating expert, and author who specializes in unraveling the scientific and psychological mysteries behind dating and attraction.