3 Lies It's Okay To Tell Your Spouse To Keep Them Happy, According To Experts
Sometimes, compassion means bending the truth.
Jonathan Borba | Unsplash, Watson_images | Canva "Lies tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies." There are good lies and bad lies. Breaking up lies and keeping us together lies.
Sometimes, we lie to those we love the most so they can feel good and we can keep the emotional waters calm.
Here are three lies it's okay to tell a spouse to keep them happy, according to YourTango experts:
1. Use of the superlative to boost self-esteem
There are times when your spouse benefits when you omit the whole truth, and while I don't believe you should lie when faced with a direct question, it is poor judgment to talk about the attributes of former partners, your partner's inadequacies, or deliver any form of truth that may be hurtful.
Having said this, In the right moment, I will use a superlative that is not entirely true to make my spouse happy. You are the kindest man I have ever met, you are the most handsome man in the world, and so on.
— Reta Walker, Ph.D., Relationship Coach
Photo via Getty
2. Reword to soften the impact
Not so much a lie, but a rewording. Never admit that you find someone else attractive. If necessary, you can discuss positive aspects of personality and presentation but never mention the physical traits or ways you find them attractive.
The difference between "I like the way that person looks" and "that person looks nice" is subtle but can make all the difference — no matter how secure you think a person is. Sure, some people can handle it, but why find out the hard way if that person is your spouse?
— Ed Latimore, Life Coach
3. "You are absolutely right."
When you are in a fight with your significant other, you can immediately deflate the situation by telling them you're sorry or that they are right.
This takes your partner out of their defensive position, making it easier for the two of you to take the tension down a few notches and sort out whatever's going on.
— Rebecca Jane Stokes, editor, freelance writer
Deception, lying, manipulation, and dishonesty are varying degrees of the same actions. Yet, when we consciously choose to enter into a lie for the benefit of another, we need to be cautious.
How big is the lie? Is it deception? Is it a lie to manipulate? Or are you bending or rewording the truth a little to save your lover from unnecessary emotional turmoil?
The rules and agreements within your relationship are something else you can consider before you bend the truth. Have you agreed to always be honest with each other?
Know yourself as well. Can you live with the lie or the "not exactly complete truth" you tell? Does one little lie open the door in your behavior for more lies to flow through?
At the end of the day, the decision to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth rests on you and how well you know yourself and your spouse or partner.
Will Curtis is a writer and associate editor for YourTango. He's been featured on the Good Men Project and taught English abroad for ten years.