Lesbian Couples Therapist Shares 5 Things She Does With Her Wife Every Evening That Sets Them Up For A 'Thriving Relationship'
“How do you nurture your relationship every single day?”
Lomb / Shutterstock For any couple, maintaining stability and mindfulness in a relationship requires hard work and dedication. But when it comes to women specifically, there tend to be a lot of strong emotions involved, so it’s extra important to carve out time each evening to nourish your relationship and ensure both individuals feel seen, heard, and valued.
Dr. Lynda Spann is the founder of the Lesbian Couples Institute, a counseling practice and relationship coaching program. She specializes in helping lesbian and Queer couples create prosperous connections with each other. She recently shared the five evening rituals she practices with her wife every day for a “thriving relationship.”
Here are 5 things a lesbian couples therapist does with her wife every evening to help their relationship thrive:
1. They give each other a ‘long bear hug’
Dr. Spann shared that she and her wife make sure to give each other a “big, long bear hug” when they land at home every evening, as a way of coming back to each other after a long day of work and responsibilities. This is a super effective ritual to engage in daily as physical intimacy cultivates a secure attachment style in relationships.
Whether it’s a bear hug or a cuddling session, prioritizing this sense of closeness with each other every night is a significant element of a strong and stable relationship.
2. They cook and eat together
The act of spending time together cooking in the kitchen allows each individual to invest their loving energy into the food, which will produce a delicious and nourishing meal, both physically and emotionally.
Dr. Spann explained she and her wife are always mindful of including lots of nutritious vegetables in their meals, which contain more benefits and nutrients than taking supplements and additionally enhance our emotional well-being.
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Additionally, she shared that when it’s time to eat, they make sure to turn their phones and television off to focus on eating together mindfully, giving one another their undivided attention.
3. They move their bodies together
Daily physical movement is crucial for anyone, single or not, as it promotes a therapeutic outlet for processing and releasing pent-up emotions and tension as well as boosting life satisfaction.
With that being said, joint physical movement in a relationship is essential for a healthy connection. This activity can involve going for a walk around your neighborhood, throwing some music on and dancing together, or doing a yoga class or workout.
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Find whatever mutual activities you both enjoy and set time aside for them each evening, no matter how light or intense the movement is. You’ll find that this commitment will contribute effectively to the foundation of your relationship.
4. They have quality catch-up chats
Dr. Spann emphasized the importance of this evening activity specifically, which allows for mutual communication between both parties.
“We sit face-to-face, eye-to-eye, and we ask interesting questions, like ‘What was the best part of your day? What do you feel about us and how we’re doing? What’s something we can do to nurture our relationship this week?'" Dr Spann explained.
This mindful activity is especially beneficial for lesbian couples as it allows them to express their thoughts, feelings, and ideas in a safe and healthy manner. Being a woman often involves managing and regulating your fluctuating emotions, so being with a woman places twice as much importance on hearing and validating each other's needs and desires.
This communicative conversation can help both partners feel understood and valued, and maintaining it daily will lead to a stronger connection.
5. They embrace each other in bed
Once the day comes to an end, Dr. Spann said she and her wife “help each other get calm and ready for sleep with some affection” and “gentle touch.”
Physical embrace allows each individual to feel calm, comfortable, and connected as they get ready for a night’s rest. This can look like spooning each other, caressing one another’s hair or skin, or simply holding each other’s hands.
After all, cuddling with your partner before bed can significantly improve your sleep. There are various health benefits of affection, such as releasing oxytocin, which allows you to feel calm, and reducing cortisol levels, which can relieve stress and anxiety and help you sleep calmly through the night.
According to Sleep Doctor, physical touch can additionally “help strengthen your relationship with your partner as well as potentially improve blood pressure, immune health, and pain.”
Consider incorporating these daily evening routines into your relationship if you haven’t already.
The bustling nature of our daily responsibilities can cause us to feel detached from what really matters at the end of the day, which only emphasizes just how impactful a nurturing and peaceful evening routine can be for your relationship.
While individuals of any relationship, queer or heterosexual, require certain levels of affection, women in queer relationships specifically tend to express a deeper desire for emotional intimacy with one another. Women are sensitive beings by nature, which is why it’s so important to create space for each other every evening to end the day on a positive and harmonious note.
Few things are more sacred than the time you prioritize to nourish your and your partner’s connection. While these evening rituals may be minimal, the influence they can have on your relationship is powerful!
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.