If You Both Don't Have This Quality, You Don't Have A Relationship
The quality that's critical in every great relationship.
Zenytal | Shutterstock If you are someone who occasionally lies, you know where your line is. You know when you feel it’s okay to tell a lie, and when you feel you must be truthful. But here's the problem: No one else will ever know where you draw that line. If you lie about even the littlest thing, your spouse or significant other will wonder about everything you say.
You will never be able to articulate to your partner how you decide to lie. And just as important, you will never be able to justify it. If you can lie that much and so easily, then how can you also trust what anyone else says? It's a never-ending cycle.
One of the most important things we look for in a relationship is security. We want to know that we're coming home to someone who would never intentionally hurt us. Security in a relationship means knowing what to expect from your partner. If you lie, you remove any foundation for trust or security in the relationship.
Trust is the biggest part of a relationship, if you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship.
If you can lie about small things or make yourself look better when telling a story, then how is your partner gonna trust you when you tell them you're somewhere and they're secretly spending the whole time if you're even where you say you are at all?
Since your partner does not know where you draw the truth-telling line, he/she will never know what to expect from you in the relationship. Not knowing what to expect is the opposite of security. And when we're insecure in a relationship, we get annoyed and jealous.
You told your husband you spent $30 on your new handbag when it was $50. You don't think it's any big deal to tell such a small lie.
You cut off the tags, throw away the receipt, and you think you're safe. Then he overhears you telling a friend about your splurge, and it all breaks loose. You can't understand why he's so angry; it was just $20.
But he doesn’t care about the $20. He wants to know what else you've lied about. Surely it wasn't just this one lie. And he has no idea what you'll be lying about in the future. He'll question everything you say. He'll wonder if you're cheating.
You will never be able to articulate to your partner how you decide to lie. If you want a happy relationship, just tell the truth.
Rebecca A. Marquis is a dating coach and the author of How to Be a Good Boyfriend: 34 Ways To Keep Her From Getting Annoying, Jealous, or Crazy.