If You Do These 10 Things At Your Wedding, You Might Annoy All Your Guests
Seriously, it's not romantic and we all think you're obnoxious.
Jaroslav Monchak / Shutterstock As you get older, weddings start to lose their magic. The first wedding you get to attend is amazing. Every little step along the way is super-romantic and a celebration of love. But the tenth wedding you go to is just a countdown until they start serving alcohol.
Weddings can be a lot of fun, but only when the couple getting married keeps things simple. Some married couples go way too far with the whole "it's OUR special day" and with an overly elaborate wedding.
Instead of being romantic, it just becomes douchey. It's cool to have a personalized wedding — just remember that your wedding is also a party. A party that other people are attending and things have to be fun for them as well.
The problem is that some people forget about that. They think that just because they're getting married, everyone has to treat them like royalty for a day.
It's OK to go over the top with certain things at your wedding, as long as it's things that help your guests have fun. For example, go over the top with dessert. Everyone loves dessert, and all of your guests will wish you a long happy marriage.
Go over the top with any of the following things, however, and everyone will hate you... and root for divorce.
Here's what NOT to do at a wedding — specifically, yours.
1. You create a wedding hashtag.
While some couples might find it cute to have a wedding hashtag so they can see what everyone is tweeting about their wedding, it's also the worst idea in the world. Why would you throw a party and then promote the idea of everyone just sitting around looking at their phone?
2. You have a destination wedding.
We totally understand that Hawaii is super-romantic and the perfect place for your wedding. But do you not understand that most people can only afford one vacation per year, and they don't want to waste it on you? Your local friends and family shouldn't have to rent a hotel room just to attend your wedding.
3. You use drones as your photographer.
Some wedding photographers are starting to use drones to get elaborate, overhead photographs of the wedding. That's what every party needs: a bunch of machines flying overhead.
4. You hire the maid of honor or best man.
There are professional maids of honor/best men these days. It's not just a plot for a dumb-looking movie. They're pretty much undercover personal assistants for the bride and groom.
5. You have numerous outfit changes.
It's your wedding day, not the VMAs. Some wedding parties are starting to incorporate outfit changes into their routine because they're full of sad people who don't know how to just have fun at a party.
6. You live-stream the entire wedding.
No one on the internet wants to watch other people have a ceremony and then a party. Scratch that, there are perverts all over the internet who want to watch your wedding.
7. You provide selfie sticks for guests.
There's something about weddings that makes people want to take pictures. Which is fun, but on the list of what not to do at a wedding, this takes the (wedding) cake. No matter the situation, selfie sticks are never OK.
8. Your guests give too many speeches.
The maid of honor makes a speech and so does the best man. Also, most of those speeches are terrible and everyone has to just politely sit through them. Don't add more pointless speeches.
9. You choreograph dance entrances.
Here's the thing about weddings: everyone's going to dance, eat, and drink. All of your wedding guests are willing to sit through some basic ceremonial stuff, like the bride and groom's first dance.
Some couples turn the introduction of the wedding party into giant elaborate dance numbers these days. Well, guess what? No one is watching you dance; everyone is just thinking, "I'm hungry, when is this going to be over?"
10. You have a cash bar.
This is just terrible. A cash bar instead of an open bar? At your wedding? What are you, a monster?
Michael Hollan is a stand-up comedian and writer for Yourtango.