If You Want To Know If Someone Truly Loves You, See Their Reaction When You Tell Them One Specific Thing
The best way to figure out if someone is the right partner for you is to bring up this one specific thing.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock It can be hard to pick up on the signs that someone cares about you and wants the best for you, especially in romantic relationships. We can often become so blinded by the idea of someone wanting to be with us that we can miss out on some red flags, but one woman named Jenny Thomas shared the best phrase that you can tell someone to truly learn if they love you or not.
Thomas said to watch a partner's reaction after telling them that they've hurt you.
"I'm gonna tell you right now. You wanna know if somebody loves you? Tell them that they hurt you," Thomas informed viewers at the start of her video. "If that person isn't in tune with you and loves you on the level that you need to be loved, they're not gonna connect with that pain."
Thomas explained that if you tell your partner they've hurt you and they display an offended attitude or have an aggravated demeanor towards you, then they don't actually love you and are not invested in you or the relationship.
"A person that truly loves you and is invested in you, that means time, that means length, that means future, that means distance. If they're invested in you, they're concerned about what they do to you and they're concerned about how they made you feel," Thomas said.
She acknowledged that someone who cares about your well-being wants to always see you happy and smiling, and if you're not, they will go to any lengths to remedy that, especially if it was their own fault.
"A person that is not invested in you is going to project and deflect, and they're gonna be mad at you because you actually told them something that they did wrong," she explained.
If someone loves you, they want to connect with you both spiritually and physically, and they want to do the things that you like. If someone dismisses your interests and is aggravated by your presence instead of wanting to be around you, they are not invested in the relationship, or you.
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"A person that loves you is bothered when you're hurt, especially if they do it. They wanna make that thing right, but a person that's not in tune with themselves and definitely not into you is gonna be disturbed by you even trying to communicate with them about what they could have possibly done wrong to you," Thomas said.
Thomas pointed out that in their mind, they are thinking about all of the "great" things they've done. Meanwhile, you're thinking about the incident that really bothered you in the first place.
In toxic and abusive relationships with narcissists, they will often have no regard for your feelings.
In an article for CNBC, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, explained that highly narcissistic people are often extremely good at gaslighting their partners as their primary goal is to create insecurity by manipulating others.
"Narcissists have a hard time admitting fault, and this is their classic attempt at an apology. But it’s actually more of a deflection," Durvasula wrote for the news outlet. "With this phrase, they’re implying that your feelings are your issues alone and that they’ll take no responsibility for their behavior."
The phrase she describes is, "I'm sorry you feel that way," which isn't an apology at all, especially when their actions have hurt someone else. Instead, it's used as a way to avoid taking accountability, and by default, making that person feel as if it may have been their own fault when in reality it isn't.
Durvasula recommended that if this happens to someone when confronting their partner about a problem, the best solution is to disengage. The narcissistic partner will have no issue doing it again, and to avoid being hurt again, the best plan of action is to realize that this is who they are. At the end of the day, if you're in a relationship with someone that you feel isn't taking your concerns seriously, or brushing away your feelings, then that person isn't the right partner for you.
A genuine, loving partner, as Thomas mentioned in her video, is someone who will have no problem responding with care and a sincere desire to make amends in any situation. Authentic love should never be something that anyone feels the need to compromise on, ever.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.