Husband Explains What Arguments With His Neurodivergent Wife Taught Him About How Autistic People Think
“They mean exactly what they’re saying.”
Kateryna Onyshchuk / Shutterstock Although they mean well, the way neurodivergent people offer advice to others can occasionally be misconstrued or misinterpreted as rude.
A neurotypical husband and his neurodivergent wife decided to discuss the subject on TikTok in hopes of clearing the air on why neurodivergent and autistic individuals tend to correct others and how it’s never really personal.
They elaborated on what arguments with each other taught them about how autistic people perceive the world.
The man, a musician, shared that he is neurotypical, and his wife, who is a writer, is neurodivergent. The couple, who go by @studiesshow on TikTok, host a podcast together and use their platform to foster education and understanding about neurodivergent behavior.
A neurodivergent person is someone whose brain develops or works differently. They could be on the autism spectrum or deal with learning disabilities, attention deficit, or anxiety disorders, among other conditions.
In their video, the man explained that, in many cases, neurotypical people take offense to the advice that neurodivergent people offer, even if their advice is logical or helpful.
The couple alluded to their own arguments, which usually began with the wife correcting her husband, him getting upset, and her not understanding why.
Through the prevalence of these types of arguments, though, the husband eventually adapted to his wife’s tendencies. He realized that her intentions weren’t to come across as “judgmental” or “pretentious” as he initially thought, but they were to simply “help him out.”
“Lots of neurodivergent/autistic folks, when they’re giving advice, there is no judgment attached to what they’re saying,” the husband explained. “They’re going to say what they’re going to say very flatly and very directly.”
There is no 'hidden message' or agenda when neurodivergent people offer their suggestions.
Unlike some neurotypical-minded people, neurodivergent individuals are blunt but genuine in the information they share. They don’t seek to prevaricate when sharing their input, and there’s a reason for this.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, neurodivergent people have brain differences that affect how their brains think and process information. Because of this, they possess specific strengths and weaknesses that others with neurotypical minds may not understand.
One of these strengths is pattern recognition, which allows them to recognize how patterns will unfold and transpire.
“Pattern recognition is a curse,” one individual shared in the comments. “You give advice to a friend because you have foresight, and you see the path that’s playing out. Then they get mad because they don’t want to hear any potential mistakes.”
The truth is that people with autism usually don’t key into the tone or delivery of their advice. Because of the way their minds function and think ahead, in addition to their attention to accuracy and efficiency, when they share their input with others, they only aim to point out mistakes and suggest more logical solutions.
Be mindful of the advice others offer you, and embrace the opportunity to hear another perspective.
The wife referred to other instances where people took extreme offense to her blunt attempts to offer advice, which she said she didn't understand for the longest time.
While many people are not exactly delighted to be corrected or called out for their mistakes, someone taking offense to another individual’s advice, no matter how minor or paramount, is often a sign of their own inability to accept and embrace criticism.
The husband further explained that neurodivergent people possess a quality that causes them to feel disconnected from social norms, such as keeping their thoughts and corrections to themselves.
In fact, as content creator Laura Barito shared on TikTok, neurodivergent people are much more able to "break down social norms" rather than conform to them, and this is a good thing!
With that being said, be mindful and patient the next time you respond to someone who is simply trying to offer their guidance and embrace the constructive conversation this can lead to. In reality, the neurodivergents of the world are one step ahead of everyone due to their incredible ability to distinctly discern logic and ideate insightful solutions.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.