There Are Only Three Types Of Personalities In A Relationship — How To Know If Your Boyfriend Is A Golden Retriever, Rottweiler Or German Shepherd
Every boyfriend has a dog breed equivalent, according to TikTok.
Olha Didenko, mexanichp / Shutterstock.com | Canva ProMen and women have been struggling to understand each other for as long as human relationships have existed. But some enterprising women on TikTok just may have gotten to the bottom of understanding men, and it all comes down, weirdly, to dog breeds.
TikTokers have identified three boyfriend personality types based on what dog breed your boyfriend is.
It sounds unhinged, but it actually makes a lot of sense if you think about it.
And, as so many things do nowadays, this story starts with Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce.
In case you missed it, Kelce's old tweets resurfaced a few weeks ago, and unlike what usually goes down when a celebrity's decades-old tweets are rediscovered, it endeared the internet to Kelce even more.
His tweets were adorably innocent, the musings of a lovable doofus, and endearing himbo, and it all got people on TikTok, especially women, talking about a concept that has been kicking around the internet for ages: the Golden Retriever boyfriend.
Soon enough, the chatter turned into a whole canine taxonomy of boyfriends. Which one is yours?
1. Golden Retriever boyfriend
As previously mentioned, Travis Kelce is the gold standard — no pun intended — when it comes to this species of boyfriend. He's happy-go-lucky, he's chill, he's sweet, he doesn't have a care in the world. He's just in love with his person and happy to be here!
He's also unafraid of his feelings and maybe ever so slightly naïve, but that just makes you love him even more. As a viral TikTok posited, he's the type of guy who searches anxiously for his person in an airport and lights up like a Christmas tree when he finally finds her. Awwwwwww … what a good boy!
2. Rottweiler boyfriend
Is the Golden Retriever boyfriend perhaps a bit too soft for you? Too needy? And perhaps most importantly, too dang happy all the time? Then perhaps a Rottweiler boyfriend is more your type.
These dudes are more gruff, more macho, and somewhat standoffish when it comes to others. They want you and you alone, and nobody else. In fact, they low-key hate everyone else's guts. But when they're with you, that's when their guard comes down and they reveal the sweet nature they don't let anyone else see.
They're the strong silent types — and the types who will not hesitate to put anyone in their place if they try to interfere with their relationship. (Looking at you, dudes who make passes at other dudes' girlfriends.)
3. German Shepherd boyfriend
German Shepherd boyfriends are sort of the happy medium between the Golden Retrievers and the Rottweilers. They'll get along great with your friends. But as for outsiders? No thanks. They only have eyes for you. And if anyone tries to cross you? They WILL show their teeth because they are fiercely loyal.
Here's where it gets controversial. According to a TikToker who made the concept of a German Shepherd boyfriend go viral, these guys are also very direct types who don't coddle their girlfriends and will straight up tell you when you're acting crazy.
A lot of people online seemed to feel this was dripping with toxic masculinity and weird, outdated gender roles. That seems more like a Rottweiler thing, to be honest, but who knows?! Either way, this is a good loyal boy who's a straight-shooter, and we all need a bit of that now and then.
If none of these three boyfriend personality types exactly fit your needs and wants, though, don't worry.
This discussion has since spun off into all kinds of other species too, from self-professed chihuahua girlfriends — high-maintenance, no-nonsense girlies who know exactly what they want and demand to run the show — to poodle boyfriends (self-explanatory).
One woman on X even identified a Yorkie boyfriend, who she said is a man who "is small and barks and lashes out at everyone and everything because he is terrified all the time." See? There really is someone for everyone! Now if only human-human relationships were as easy as human-canine ones …
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.