How The Personality Traits Of Your Enneagram Type Secretly Mess With Your Love Life
Your personality type has more of an influence on your love life than you realize.
Rohappy/ Shutterstock More and more frequently, people are turning to the nine personality types associated with the Enneagram of Personality for insight into the psychology behind their personality traits, personal style, and character, and how these aspects of themselves impact every sphere of their love life and personal and professional relationships.
Most of us have a pretty good sense of our own personality, of course... up to a point.
Ask someone if they consider themselves to be an introvert or an extrovert and it's unlikely they will look at you with a baffled expression. It's far more likely they will tell you that they know they are an extrovert because they love going to parties, or they know they are an introvert because they need plenty of time to themselves in order to recharge and feel their best.
Some people take their interest further.
When I was in college, I took a course called Theories of Personality. As part of that class, we had to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. You've probably seen variations of that popular test all over the internet, and you might even know which one of those 16 personality types you align with. (I'm an INFP since we're swapping stories.)
Other people don't think about their personalities much at all, except perhaps, for clicking on the odd personality test or two when they're bored and surfing the Internet.
And when it comes to those, the Enneagram of Personality test is one of the most fascinating around. This rubric divides people's tendencies and characteristics into nine distinct types. As you might imagine, I've taken a wide variety of personality tests, and the results and corresponding descriptions on the Enneagram mostly accurately reflect who I actually am.
To learn what your own Enneagram personality type is, you can take this quiz.
Once you've done that, scroll down to see how the personality traits associated with your Enneagram type secretly mess with your love life and relationships in ways you've never begun to understand.
That might sound bleak at first, but figuring out how you're most likely to go wrong might just be exactly what you need in order to have more romantic success than ever before!
Here is how the personality traits of your Enneagram type secretly mess with your love life:
1. The reformer
You are a rational idealist. You have principles you live by and you aim for perfection in all the things that you undertake. This is a great way to be when you're trying to achieve goals at work or reach a fitness milestone, but it's not always conducive to success in love.
If you are a reformer, your inflexibility is what messes with your love life most.
You have a list of "must haves" a mile long, and while it's good to have standards, sometimes your extreme need for specific kinds of perfection keeps you from connecting with someone who's pretty darn amazing, even if they don't tick off every single one of your boxes.
2. The helper
You are a caring person who thrives when it comes to interpersonal relationships. You're generous and loving and making people happy makes you even happier. It's awesome to give so many people you're all, and who can shake a finger at someone as kind as you are? That said, you aren't a person entirely without flaws.
If you are a helper, your possessive nature could be keeping you from lasting love.
Just because you give your all to the people you love, that doesn't mean they aren't entitled to have their own lives. Try your best to remember that independence is healthy and normal in relationships, and just because your love has a life outside of you, that doesn't mean they don't want and need you in there along the way, too!
3. The achiever
You are a person who is motivated by success. You are a born planner, and while you've always got an end-game in sight, another one of your strengths is the way you adapt quickly in the face of the unexpected. Your ability to keep your eye on the prize and excel in your chosen field is admirable. However, sometimes even the most focused person can miss out on something right in front of their face.
If you are an achiever, your tendency to focus on your image could keep you from connecting on a deeper level with someone you love.
You're capable of great depth, but appearances mean a lot to you, and this is something you're going to struggle with. Remember when picking a partner that it really doesn't matter how they look in a tailored suit if you can't connect with them on an intimate level.
4. The individualist
You are a person who feels things keenly. You can't help it, it's just how you're wired. To that end, spending time out and about with people can be challenging for you, but that's only because you have such a strong sense of who you are.
Unfortunately, part of being a person who is so sure of themselves and so easily exhausted by the company of others is that nurturing romantic relationships over the long term can cause you a good amount of strife when you don't proceed carefully.
If you are an individualist, you need to work as hard as you can to keep your tendency for introspection from preventing you from ever looking outward.
When you aren't being cautious, you can come across as self-absorbed and as someone who only enjoys their own company. The fact that you're moody doesn't help either! We both know you're awesome. Now let other people know it, too.
5. The investigator
You are a person who is intensely curious and academic. This doesn't mean that you have to be a professor at some fancy college, but it does mean that you are a person who spends your life in pursuit of knowledge and answers. In addition to being curious and bookish, you are always looking for ways to improve the lives of the people around you. However, that doesn't mean you have everything figured out just yet.
If you are an investigator, your obsession with acquiring knowledge can mean that you spend a lot of time on your own.
If you don't learn how to balance your social life with your quest for information, you risk missing out on all of the best things love has to offer in a serious way.
6. The loyalist
You are the kind of person everyone around you turns to when they need to feel safe. You're probably the "mom" of your friend group, and this doesn't bother you at all. You take it as a compliment. Being friends with you means having someone who is always (you guessed it) loyal and supportive. You're responsible and have probably been told you're an old soul more than once in your life. But wait... there's a hitch.
If you are a loyalist, it's the flip side of being responsible and committed is that this is exactly what can also cause you the most pain in love.
You can't help but be a little bit anxious, suspicious, and overly protective of the person who is the lucky object of your affection. Remember to give your partner plenty of truth and plenty of breathing room if you want your love to flourish.
7. The enthusiast
You are the kind of person best described as "fun on a bun." You are laid-back! You are easygoing! You're always up for an adventure! You're the kind of person who other people want to be around, they just can't help themselves.
You're the master of doing things on the fly and you're always game to try something new. Nothing is out of your comfort zone, because you HAVE no comfort zone. You're just that versatile as a human being... Which isn't always ideal.
If you are an enthusiast, you tend to be a bit too easily distracted in pretty much every single sphere of your life.
If you don't make sure to make your partner space to feel heard and like the center of your attention at least once in a while, they might up and leave you for your perceived lack of romantic devotion.
8. The challenger
You are a person who can be summed up in one word — powerful. Basically, nothing else needs to be said, but I'm going to, because powerful people deserve to know more about themselves, too. You're an alpha. You speak your mind. You're usually the most dominant person in every room that you enter. People look up to you because of your confidence and your self-assured nature. However, being as strong as you are isn't always a bed of roses.
If you are a challenger, you are one of those rare birds who isn't afraid to speak their mind, and while this is awesome, it can lead to confrontation.
You're an aggressive person, and not everyone else is built to communicate this way. Be careful with how you engage with your romantic partner or your no-nonsense approach to conflict might cause them to take shelter with someone who is at least a little bit more gentle.
9. The peacemaker
You are the kind of person hippies mean when they talk about someone who "goes with the flow." You're easy-going and humble. People love talking to you because they get to talk about themselves! You're not one to put on a big show regarding your own accomplishments.
You are receptive and agreeable to other people's ideas. No one should look to you to make a decision about which movie or restaurant to go to, because you're fine with whatever everyone else wants.
The flip side to your easy-going ways is that the peacemaker can sometimes be too darn complacent.
It's fine to go with the flow, but getting stuck in a rut is something else entirely. If you don't focus on your own wants and needs and opinions you could frustrate anyone who is trying to build a relationship with you. A person can only hear, "It's up to you!" so many times before throwing their hands in the air and leaving to find someone who actually seems to care about something.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is an editor, freelance writer, former Senior Staff Writer for YourTango, and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek. Her bylines have appeared in Fatherly, Gizmodo, Yahoo Life, Jezebel, Apartment Therapy, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, SheKnows, and many others.