How To Make A Man Fall In Lust And Love With You At The Same Time, According To Psychology
Inspire his emotional connection and the rest will fall into place.
Getty Images | Unsplash If you want to win a man’s heart and make him yours forever, you have to make him want to both protect you and ravish you senseless at the same time. That’s when he will be attentive, romantic, and affectionate. That’s when he will feel inspired to commit and be emotionally available to you.
How to make a man fall in lust and love with you at the same time, according to psychology:
1. Create an emotional connection
To make a man want to protect you, take care of you, and tend to your needs, you have to take the time to cultivate a strong emotional connection. Creating an emotional connection with a man doesn’t come from:
- Caregiving
- Buying him things
- Being like one of the guys (his pal) & spending time doing “buddy activities” together
- Sleeping with him
- Being his psychologist
Research from the American Psychological Association on attachment bonds in romantic relationships demonstrates how emotional connection blossoms between a man and a woman when both partners feel emotionally safe with one another to open up about their feelings.
When a man feels like you’re the kind of soft, sensitive, understanding, and empathetic woman who can listen, validate his feelings, care about his feelings, and tend to his needs without psycho-analyzing them and infantilizing him, he feels seen, as explored in a study on adult attachment and romantic relationships.
2. Open up to him
Though it’s important to be emotionally available to his needs and feelings, what’s even more important is that you are available on your own and can share your vulnerable feelings with him, as asserted by the APA Handbook of Personality and Social Psychology.
When you can be what I call, the "love guide" in the relationship, and show a man, through your example, what it means to open up to another person, you can inspire him to want to share his vulnerable side with you.
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3. Have a strong center while sharing
When you open up to him and share your feelings, make sure to stay grounded. A study on emotion regulation during relationship conflict helps show when you can have a strong center and not flood him with insecurities and neediness, you can speak from your heart without overwhelming him with “pulling” energy.
There’s a big difference between having energy that implies, “I feel scared and angry and I can handle these feelings but I want to share them,” apart from the energy that screams, “I feel scared and angry and I need you fix these feelings for me right now!”
To feel grounded, take the time to tend to your home and your body. These two things are physical representations of your “space,” your center, your core — and when you feel good about these two things, you can help yourself feel safe, welcoming, open, calm, loving, and patient no matter what he is doing.
4. Warm up your home
- Clean your house — dust everything!
- Think about new lacy curtains or painting your walls a soft yet bright peach or mint green.
- Make sure you love your bedding and feel cozy and clean in them at night.
- Put fresh, colorful flowers in each room.
- Light scented candles and always take out the trash at night
5. Pamper & love your body
- Use lotions and perfume oils.
- Get massages
- Do gentle and self-loving exercises like yoga or tai chi.
- Wear soft fabrics in soft shades that aren’t too severe (lavender over black).
- Wear your hair down and spend money on good hair products
Mariia Korneeva via Shutterstock
6. Make him want to ravish you senseless
The best way to win a man’s heart and make him want you is to own your sensuality. Not every woman can think of herself as sexy, or even sexual because of self-loathing thoughts that prevent these self-beliefs, as explored in a study of self-esteem and perceived conflict However, every woman can work on being sensual, and she is capable of being so.
7. Indulge your senses in the present moment
To be sensual, you have to step into your body. You have to indulge your senses and allow yourself to feel fluid (instead of uptight and full of tension) and open to the stimuli present all around you in this beautiful, wild world.
When you eat, really taste your food. When you listen to music, really let it touch your soul. When you touch something, be curious about its texture and temperature (this includes a man’s skin.)
The Journal of Personality explains that when you can be curious about the world around you, like a child who's full of wonderment, a man can take that journey with you, and that’s when a love affair begins. That’s when you can win a man’s heart.
Romance is about getting lost in one another in a loving, passionate way, so get lost in life in the same way — inspire him to make you want him the way you want to know and love the world.
Kristina Marchant is a writer and author with a BA in psychology from Barnard College at Columbia University. She is also a relationship coach who advises women on men and healthy relationship skills.