How To Find Out If He Wants To Marry You (Without Scaring Him Off)
Doesn't he know the reception hall's calendar is filling up fast?
Andrii Medvediuk / Shutterstock There seem to be plenty of women waiting for a long-term commitment from their beloved without any tools to know how to move forward. It's an issue I often hear about, read about and even see depicted on television shows.
Not long ago, I was watching one of my favorite TV shows. A young, newly-married couple was in the midst of discussing a house selection when the wife suddenly called out her husband for failing to make a decision. She said, “Hello Mr. Nine Years, it’s time to make a choice." And she held up her hand and pointed to her diamond ring.
If you're in this situation, take a deep breath and read on.
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Here are three suggestions for how to find out if he wants to marry you — without scaring him off:
1. Tell him you're ready
He needs to know you want marriage, and that you can't hang around forever waiting on him to be ready. Obviously, this conversation should take place when both people decide to pursue an exclusive monogamous relationship. If you didn’t let him know, it’s not too late. It’s OK to admit that you were so smitten by the early stages of the relationship that you may not have been clear about what you wanted, but now's the time to fix that.
Tell him that you want to be married and that you want to start a family with him. Knowing how you feel is half the battle for him, so his job gets easier when you actually tell him what you want. Also, ask him where his head and heart are. No demands, just a heartfelt dialog to find out if you're both on the same page. It’s better to know now.
2. Determine if he's stalling or stonewalling
If you are truly taking care of yourself — which should be your first priority — then you will have upped your attraction factor in all areas. You may only have eyes for him right now, but you should know that there are many good men out there who are mature enough to know how to treat a fabulous woman. Men who won't waste time when they fall deeply in love with you.
A mature, enlightened man will recognize his love and be ready to commit to you within a reasonable period of time. Of course, not every man who wants to marry you is the right one for you, but it’s always your choice. Tune into your intuition and be ready to stand up for your desires (without offending him).
3. Stop doing everything for him
Don't mother him. You should expect a genuine partnership — not a one-sided relationship. He’s a grown man, right? If not, waiting for him to grow up may never get the results you’re after. If you take care of everything in the relationship by making all the plans and handling most of the daily tasks while he just goes along for the ride, he’ll assume he deserves all this effort on your part.
Hold him to a higher standard and see if he steps up to the plate. The woman sets the overall tone of the relationship, including the standards by which the couple lives together. Does he think it's fine to just live together because that’s what you’re doing? Or have you been clear that you want a full partnership in love and marriage?
Gayla Wick is a transformational love coach, speaker, and author of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love.