The 6 Hottest Ways To Prevent Cheating
How to keep infidelity out of your marriage.
Courtney Keating | Canva As we know, affairs are truly a symptom of an unhealthy and unfulfilled marriage. One way to help inoculate your marriage against affairs is to keep your love life and physical intimacy a priority. For some couples, intimacy is not even on the list after having kids. Dr. Michelle Golland says, "I was not surprised by the Newsweek article that reported that 15 to 20 percent of us are in "intimacy-less" marriages. The article defined this as couples being intimate less than once a month, or on average, 10 times a year.
In my therapy practice, intimacy or lack thereof is often a big complaint. What I usually quickly discover is it is not about "intimacy," but about the overall lack of physical connection a couple is experiencing. Intimacy with our partner quickly goes to the back burner when we feel overworked, overcommitted, and simply overwhelmed by familial life." She shares the following tips to avoid the downfall of desire and help inoculate your marriage against infidelity.
Here are the 6 hottest ways to prevent cheating:
1. Put your kids to sleep early
Too many couples keep their kids up too late for a variety of reasons, but if you can do the initial work of getting a solid bedtime between 7 and 8 o'clock, this will allow some quality time between you and your spouse. Feeling recharged is key to avoiding the depleting experience of raising kids.
Photo: Mizuno K/Pexels
2. Use babysitters
Time alone as a couple is not a luxury as much as it is a necessity. If you can't afford a babysitter, then do an exchange with a friend or join a co-op sitters' club in your neighborhood. Dates don't need to be during the evening. Drop your kid off at a friend's house for 3 hours go home and get back in bed together. An afternoon delight can be the best way to enjoy each other.
3. Intimacy starts in the morning
What I mean by this is to be kind to each other. Make loving gestures. As an exhausted working mom, I know there is nothing hotter than my husband doing the dishes after dinner or bathing the kids. Couples make the mistake that our relationships are built on "big moments," but it is the small loving gestures that inoculate us from disconnection and resentment.
4. Keep in touch during the day
Check in on each other. How is he feeling after the baby was up all night? Is he tired at work? Call your wife and just tell her you love her! Again, this is about being kind and giving, even when you're tired.
5. Create pleasure without sex
Yes, I mean mutual touching. Sometimes we are just too tired for the whole shebang! We don't need to have intercourse to experience pleasure. Give massages, rub your feet, and take a bath. Learn to satisfy your partner without being intimate. Realize you both don't have to reach climax each time you connect. This doesn't mean it was a "bad" time or incomplete. We need to redefine our intimate lives after having kids. All of these gestures will increase the possibility of intercourse occurring more often.
6. Last but most important of all, talk to each other
As a couple, you need to talk and connect every day. I give homework to my couples. Three times a week or every other night, sit alone and let each of you speak without interruption for 3 minutes about how you are feeling or what is going on at home, work, or whatever. If sadness and resentment have become too entrenched, then see a therapist. Couples that seek counseling for problems early on are in therapy for a shorter time because they have less buildup of hurt and resentments that have never been addressed.
Many couples avoid therapy because it is expensive and takes time away from the family. But I suggest you call a divorce lawyer and you will see how expensive is. Always remember that our children look to us for what it means to be in a relationship. We are showing them what it means to be a "husband" and a "wife." We model how to love, to disagree, and when to know to get help. Intimacy in our relationship is just one piece of our connection that must be tended to, but it is an important one.
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