4 Painfully Honest Reasons You Avoid Falling In Love
Getting back into the game can be scary.
Dean Drobot | Canva Falling in love can be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling gifts we can give ourselves. To get to the destination there are a lot of pitfalls we must avoid along the way. Some of us have gotten good at avoiding. We cover it up with a layer of "I have it all together, see?"
See if any of these scenarios are your cover-up.
Here are 4 common ways you avoid falling in love:
1. You're too focused on being independent.
I love when I meet a woman who tells me she is independent. Independent people are strong, they know what they want and they know how to get it.
But as beautiful as independence is, it can also be a hidden curse. Independent people rarely reach out to others and ask for help and support. They tend to fear being dependent, so they walk around in a bubble of "I can survive on my own and I can do it all by myself."
Unfortunately for others, it makes them feel unwanted or not needed by independent people. And people want to feel wanted and that they have something to contribute to your life, that they have a purpose when they are with you. So be careful ——it could be leaving the person you want out in the cold.
2. You're afraid to mess up everything you've accomplished on your own.
You're attractive, you're following your dreams, you have a busy social life, you have great girlfriends, and to others, you come across like you have it all. People often come up to you and make comments like you are so successful and stunning but where is that partner in your life? But deep, deep inside you know you're avoiding your biggest fear, having someone you adore to come home to.
You have worked very hard to have the life you built for yourself today. Maybe you give yourself excuses like "Is it really worth it, maybe I'm not meant to have it all?" Your cover-up is "I am busy, I will be fine, maybe it is not meant to be" but the real cause of your single status is fear of actually having what you really want — a partner!
3. You don't want to lose your relationship with your pet.
I personally worked with animals for years and have witnessed countless women hoping to meet that special person. They will talk about past hurts from childhood, bad relationships with their father, chaotic family life, or cheating partners but for one reason or another they will have a stronger bond with their pet than they will with another human being.
Animals offer us so much, they give you unconditional love, they make us happy, they give us the need to care for another, they are fun and playful, they can take us out of our heads and into the moment, and as great as all this is you could be avoiding the very thing you really want— love from another human being. I ask you to reframe your relationship at home, see the good in other people, and open your heart to love. An animal can give you an abundance of love but so can a great guy, all you have to do is let him in.
4. You love being alone.
There is nothing you love more than your time alone, it fills your cup up with an overflow of energy but somewhere during the course of many years, it has become your default safe zone, which is no longer fun.
Playing, listening, and talking alone only keeps you isolated. You cannot meet someone when you spend most of your time in isolation. Me time is fantastic but don't let it take over your life and keep out the very thing you really want — a partner.
What do you repeatedly do that holds you back from having what you want? What is the persona you hide behind? What do you do that holds you back from finding love?
Lorna Poole is an international coach and professional speaker. She empowers women to love beyond fear, pain, and regret to attract the partner they truly deserve.